Real or false memory, pocd or real?

11 June 2019 - 16:20

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I've had POCD (I hope) on and off for about 2 years. Things that happened before bother me, especially this:
I don't remember when or where this was, maybe when I was 11-12 but I think I remember a situatuon where I felt some sort of arousal/attraction to my cousin who is 5 years younger, it was like my brain and body were telling me that I want it and like it, want to do weird things to him, there was some tingly warm feeling in my body and nervousness, but different from when you have a crush. But at the back of my head it also felt like it was not right and I shouldn't be thinking this and it didn't fill me with usual joy that other attractions did, it was like 'why am I getting this feeling, it shouldn't be like this', somehow uneasy. Back then I thought nothing of this.I also was never attracted to any other kids then and certainly am not now.
I am like 90% sure this happened, but can't remember when or where or exactly how I felt, and that is why I hope it is a false memory. If it isn't does this after all make me a pedophile?

This post has been thanked 1 time. 12 June 2019 - 2:23

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even if it were true, it wouldn’t mean you’re a pedophile. you were a kid yourself, and kids do stupid things and don’t really know right from wrong. you said you were never attracted to any other kids and that you aren’t now. it was a one time thing, and you were also a kid at the time.

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