Question for people with HOCD

20 April 2019 - 17:56

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Hi so I know that with ocd (pure ocd mainly), it's always targeted to thing we hate or fear. With pocd like me I fear and hate paedophilies which is why I believe I have pocd. (Still hope I do have pocd). And people fear losing love or their relationship which is why they experience ROCD So with hocd I understand you fear being gay but do you hate gay people. As I gay man myself i feel sad that I'm part of something people fear as I don't want people to look down on me and be like, "thank god I'm not like that". I know this sounds like a horrible post and I'm sorry but Im just wondering, do you hate lgbt people? Again I feel really bad asking I don't want anyone to be upset at all with what I said as I know ocd can be such a cruel disease. I hope you all get better.

20 April 2019 - 18:32

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Not at all. The problem is that I don't know who I am anymore. If I liked boys from an early age I would accept it, though it might've been scary to come out, but what is happening to me is just illogical. I have been "straight" for 30 years and now I can't look into any guy's eyes without feeling like I'm falling for him. I think about it hundreds of times a day, I doubt my attraction towards girls on a daily basis. Therefor "gay" has become the "enemy". Not because I have anything against gay people, but because I am scared as hell and have this "what the hell is happening to me?" -feeling. I just wish I could go back to how things used to be, when guys where just guys.

20 April 2019 - 19:42

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Same with me and pocd. I never looked at kids in this freaky way before. It's only developed a month ago now and I'm 20 so surely it wouldn't happen all of a sudden right?

21 April 2019 - 1:52

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I have been through many sub types for the past 2 years. Relationship OCD, Suicide OCD, Incest OCD, POCD, and have been for SO-OCD. All of course are just OCD in general of course. I personally am not one who can hate others. During this I don’t hate LGTB at all. All my life I grew up loving woman and in matter in minutes anxiety put a grip on me. Question. If you would were to doubt that you were gay, would you think it’s because you hate heterosexuals? I’m pretty sure you don’t hate them at all, it’s just fear that you are “lying” to yourself. Same goes for others obsessions. It’s the doubt. I don’t hate anything but the doubt.

21 April 2019 - 22:17

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Hi I don’t hate gay people at all far from it I work with many homosexual people and in all honesty are fantastic individuals. I have had similar thought about kids unfortunately and also my family believe it or not. Imagining doing things with my dad was a very scary point in my life and left me in a very dark place which then led me to seek help with therapy and CBT. I remember when I was dating an older women she said I reminded her of her ex husband who she always thought might be bisexual and bang I started think could I be gay. I was 18 at the time and had many girlfriends but this caused me to suffer years of torment kissing walls and imaging it was a man, bending over to imagine what it would like to receive an anal sex, constant 24 hour questioning and graphic sexual thoughts. Can I ask you as question ? You’ve made me aware you’re a gay man but I am very focused on the genitalia part. Are gay men repulsed my females parts because I am not disgusted by gay porn or watching men kissing. I remember watching it back in the day and knew it wasn’t for me but with the constant checking it doesn't bother me. I can see an attractive guy and think yeah he is good looking And imagine kissing him, doesn’t that make me gay. This could really backfire and cause me more issues but how do you know you are gay

 

21 April 2019 - 22:43

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I realised I was gay when I was 12 when I developed a crush for a guy my age. The thing was I disliked I was gay too when I was new to it. But I really really enjoyed my fantasies as it made me happy. The fact it doesn't make you happy means it's likely you arnt it. Same with paedophilies. They enjoy there thoughts, which makes me happy as I really don't! They make me stressed. So I guess I'm not one but im going through a spike right now which is what scares me as I'm unsure what I'm feeling atm, Stupid pocd. With the genitalia part, I guess I was at first but that's because it was foreign to me. Im not now I can still watch lesbian porn but just like you it wasn't for me. I don't think you're gay coming from a gay guy. Hope you feel better soon.

22 April 2019 - 10:02

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I really enjoy sex with my girlfriend and really enjoy seeing her naked. she looks hot in her knickers and really gets me going. There was one thing I did read a couple of weeks ago that did make a lot of sense, apparently straight men are becoming more open to anal play themselves which made me question things quite excessively but people have this stigma that it means your homosexual. I therapist said your anus doesn’t define your sexual orientation and your anus has a prostate up there which can also cause pleasure. What are your thoughts

22 April 2019 - 13:45

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that’s true, men’s G-Spot is in their anus. A lot of straight men do like to have their partners to play with their anus. Of course, that’s something you must decide on your own time if you would like that yourself, but never base your wants from others experiences, especially with OCD. 

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