16 February 2020 - 20:15
Hi, guys, so, two years ago, an event happened to me where I was just asking myself if I am the antichrist (Pure-O made me do it, had some type of Scrupulosity). I was scared I "might" have some "special" powers, and just tried to confirm the fact that I do not actually have them. I tried that by "trying to activate my powers" while looking for an answer to a problem at the chemistry class, and actually found the answer. My "mental collapse" began with that event. Now, I am scared I might "influence" other people involuntarily. For example, "What if I am able to make that girl begin talking to me, by activating my powers?". These thoughts sound absurd, but at that moment they seem so real. And the worst part is that I often experience coincidences like the girl coming to me or just saying "Hi" to me, and that makes me feel horrible.
Ok, back to the present now. I began having "depressive" episodes, and maybe because of my thoughts. In the 10th grade, I felt so 'guilty' about those 'powers', about the fact that I might have 'cheated' life, and felt extremely depressed. I began feeling better through the years (2 years passed since then), and began asking myself if I was (or still am) psychotic. If I have schizophrenia. My therapist confirmed the fact that I have Pure-O, and told me that I shouldn't worry about schizophrenia. I still am very scared.
Right now, I can't find inner peace. Read about the fact that schizophrenia causes some disorganised thinking, and I always feel that I don't pay 100% atention to the people that are talking to me, or that I may act sometimes weird towards those around me. I actually began being very sarcastic in the last months, and I'm scared again about the possibility of having schizophrenia.
I recognize the absurdity of the thoughts, but those obsessions went too far and I don't know what to do. Is depression and overanalyzing everything around me a sign of OCD? Or am I psychotic?