Pocd relapse

8 August 2018 - 20:11

Profile Image
Forum User
Join date: Apr 2018
Thanks: 11

I have been really good for a while, got rid of anxiety etc. But today I went to the beach which is naturally full of naked people and there was a completely naked kid turned around. It felt like I wanted to look and almost completely liked it (90% liked it) and was aroused. Then she turned around and I snapped out of it. But then [comment edited by Moderator] and again it aroused me for a second. I am convinced I have ocd so why do I feel like this? Were there adult charachteristics I found arousing [comment edited by Moderator] ? Is this lack of anxiety recovery? Can ocd convincingly make you believe you are turned on by something and want it even though you know deep down that you don't? I am not even scared, just annoyed and want it to stop. This is not me and it never was, I never thought of children that way before this ocd nonsense. Also I am 18, too late to suddenly discover you are pedo isn't it? Sorry for the long rant but I just want to get rid of this, I have been doing so good and know I can keep going. Thanks in advance.

This post has been thanked 1 time. 8 August 2018 - 22:38

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Apr 2018
Thanks: 11

Anyone?

This post has been thanked 2 times. 8 August 2018 - 22:48

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Mar 2018
Thanks: 113

Do you have any mental rituals? Are you checking if you actually liked what you saw or you just know you like what you saw? For me any sexual organ can trigger my ocd, like gender does not matter, age does not matter and not even species matters. I also have several mental (and even physical, i avoid looking at private parts) rituals for checking and verifiying why i actually do what i do.

I recommend finding a OCD specialist and talking about your thoughts.

8 August 2018 - 22:53

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Apr 2018
Thanks: 11

So you agree this is OCD?
It's like this: I feel as I like it when I see it, then I feel bad, sort of push OCD aside, and then when I check it disgusts me.
I remember at the beginning of this I was completely disgusted and terrified at the mere idea of a naked kid, is that a good sign that it is all in my head? Now I have to try really hard and imagine very graphically to be disgusted.

This post has been thanked 1 time. 9 August 2018 - 0:16

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Aug 2018
Thanks: 29

Might have Sexual Obsessions ocd. Which is quite rare but treatable

9 August 2018 - 0:38

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Apr 2018
Thanks: 11

Read about it, sounds a lot like me. This arousal of mine might have lingered from a moment I saw a naked woman walk by moments before, and even if it didn't it wasn't quite right, it was mixed with guilt and self loathing was starting to kick in fast.
I usually overreact to stuff anyway, had all sorts of OCD so far (disease, harm, HOCD) and none of it turned out true, so that helps.
Thanks for help people

This post has been thanked 1 time. 9 August 2018 - 3:07

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Aug 2018
Thanks: 4

Here’s a thought (pardon the pun). Sometimes I’m so acutely aware of inappropriate responses that I actually have the responses before I’ve even had an intrusive thought or trigger. Almost like I’m always on high alert.Dont know if that makes any sense.....

 

 

9 August 2018 - 10:46

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Apr 2018
Thanks: 11

Hahaha I get what you mean, I might have that too, because when I have a good day I have bo response to those triggers at all.

This post has been thanked 1 time. 10 August 2018 - 16:38

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Jul 2017
Thanks: 12

I've had this happen to me also. It's more common than you realize. I think you're fine. Don't beat yourself up so much.

10 August 2018 - 22:44

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Apr 2018
Thanks: 11

Thanks man. I have done something a bit crazy today. POCD came with it's usual set of thoughts but this time I forced myself to think the thoughts and fantasize about them (won't go into detail). What I realized is I have become very desentisized to these thoughts and my anxiety isn't instantly visible, but there was that feeling of heartbeat and breathing stopping that shows it is there. That shows the body responses, arousal and "liking" these horibble thoughts aren't real right? There were moments when I felt like "this is good" but I think that would happen when I would lose focus who I am thinking about and on the action itself (It is very easy to lose focus because your mind automatically replaces the image with something you like and you have no time to react). My mind makes up sick thoughts and then says to me that I enjoy the sickness of it. It feels very real because the anxiety is so well hidden that is sometimes invisible and that provides a feeling of relief not the thoughts (I think), but that is not it. This is not the feeling I have when I actually like someone. That one wants to continue, this one feels forced, even though it wants to make itself enjoyable and succeeds when I lose focus. I even get aroused to the words themselves while having these thoughts so that can make me think I enjoy the thoughts, but I am aroused to these words even without the thoughts so it means nothing.
Congrats POCD, you made me believe I like it and feel dirtily aroused for a whole hour. But I know when I like something for real, and there is no anxiety there. Sorry but I win.
Hope this isn't too detailed and that my experience can really help someone. Don't trust the damn thing people, even when it convinces you completely. And don't ruminate, you only feed it.
Thanks again to all the great people who have responded, you are the best!

Reply to this topic