Pocd - please respond, am I in denial?

16 May 2019 - 9:38

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I am 18 and probably have POCD, trying to resist compulsions lately and losing anxiety so I am getting somewhere. But experiences before I had POCD make me question it all.
1.When I was like 13-14 I saw a group of boys maybe 10-11 years old who were showing off trying to impress each other and felt an adrenaline rush or excitement which in the moment felt kinda good, but not like attraction good. This could be due to the fact that they were trying to display masculinity and "alphaness" and that is an adult trait. This lasted maybe 2-3 seconds. I don't get thus response anymore, now I just fund them annoying.
2. When I was maybe 6-7 I saw a baby getting it's diaper changed and got aroused but I think it was because of the baby wipes scent that for some reason always excited me and not the baby. This also lasted only a few seconds.
I am probably overreacting but OCD doubts are a bitch.

16 May 2019 - 13:01

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Also when I look at kids and think they are handsome, pretty etc. i get this good warm feeling in my heart, sort of attraction-like but not really, it is not sexual or romantic (when I get a thought it may be like that I am immediately disgusted), it just feels generally nice and I am not anxious about it. Is this weird?

This post has been thanked 1 time. 16 May 2019 - 23:31

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OCD depends on how you react to thoughts. If you react to thoughts by ruminating and analysing whilst being scared, your brain is going to respond to those thoughts as if they're real and valid concerns. When you don't pay attention to things they have no power, but if you power something up by fearing it it has ALOT of power. 

From now on, you need to let the thoughts (and feelings, sensations etc) sit there and you just pay no attention. Just read a book, eat something nice or play a game and just let the OCD sit in your mind whilst you give it no attention or power and what this does is it rewrites your brains response to these thoughts. The reason normal people don't get plagued by thoughts is because when they do get random thoughts, they don't analyse or pay attention to them because there's no need to. People with OCD however pay way too much attention to thoughts like this and they fear the "meaning" behind the thoughts when there really isn't a meaning, the brain has thousands of thoughts every day, a few of them are inevitably going to be weird.

Think to yourself "Yeah yeah OCD. Been here before, i'm choosing to move on" any time you get a thought. Just let it sit there. The more you do this the less power the thoughts will have and the less your brain will view it as a threat and it'll stop sending you thoughts to ruminate over.

Hope this helps.

17 May 2019 - 18:29

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Thank you for the reply, well put.☺️

17 May 2019 - 21:34

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Also, and I can't really remember when this happened, feels like it was before I was 14. I used to get bodily respones, something like adrenaline rushes to younger boys that were fat. Now it feels like I remember the feeling was weird and arousing/good I can't tell, I still get that kind of response to all fat people who I am not actually attracted to?? I don't know. I didn't think much on it then but POCD is bitching about it now. Maybe I was attracted to that body type in general and not the kid? Idk anymore.

This post has been thanked 1 time. 17 May 2019 - 22:33

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You're getting more thoughts because you're reacting to the prior thoughts with fear. The more you choose not to react with fear, the less your brain will need to send you thoughts to ruminate over.

19 May 2019 - 16:49

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Hey all
I am also trying really hard atm to stop the compulsions. The only thing is sometimes I start to feel better then my brain says but how do you know for sure you haven't done these things which starts the anxiety off again. Any advise for when this happens?

19 May 2019 - 18:21

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"How can you know for sure?" is OCD's motto and it will do anything to make you feel bad. Don't give the thoughts importance, it will be hard at first and you might fail occasionally but that is OK, it is tough to deal with. Stay strong!

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