8 June 2019 - 18:13
So basically this morning at work I wasn't feeling the best but I was sure I wasn't an actual p. I then went into work and instantly saw one young one and then everything went down hill from there. I actually got an erection which hasn't ever happened before. This is what I praised as proof that I wasn't a true p because I only had them for guys my age. Anyways it's gotten to that point now where I've became so depressed that I might actually be a p in denial again. Because I'm bow questioning if I actually want this desire and when I thought of it the erection came back and stronger... I never had erections before but now I keep having them. I don't want to harm young ones and I had to get away. I keep questioning that I'm different to everyone else and that no-one else is feeling what I'm feeling and that I'm actually a p in denial. Because when I imagined the scenario it really felt like arousal and felt like I was enjoying it. I think I was starting to enjoy it because of how taboo it is not because of the young ones in general. then I started to feel really sick and light headed so I had to go home. It has never got this bad before. I actually checked my pants and there was some wetness and now I'm SERIOUSLY scared. The urges have also come back and I'm literally starting to feel suicidal. Am I still suffering from pocd or am I actually a p in denial. I don't want these feelings they're really getting me down. I don't feel happy at all but I keep seeing young ones faces and my groin is getting very triggered. Please help guys!! I'm now trying not to masturbate but I have the urge too omg I really deserve to die. I hate myself right now.