27 September 2020 - 19:07
I’ve been struggling lately. I read stuff about pedophiles on psychforums. This one guy who thinks he has OCD said that he found himself thinking about kids a lot, and that could be a sign of pedophilia is what I read (I haven’t looked too much into it). I struggle with the fear of being a pedophile. I get uncomfortable around kids, get anxious and get responses (I hope they’re groinals). I don’t fantasize about kids nor do I have any desire to (at least I’m sure I don’t). I love adults and have a strong attraction to adults. But some kids trigger me. I’ll sometimes get these (what I hope) are described as false attractions or feelings, and I’ll try to ruminate if I’m attracted to a particular child (“am I attracted to this kid” “let me test mentally”, and so on. I guess analyzing the feeling, not at all daydreaming about kids or being like, “omg, I can’t stop thinking about this or this...” type thing. I don’t know if this constitutes as me thinking about kids, and this is what scares me because if it is, then I must be a pedophile then no? I had something similar with HOCD where it felt like I was scared of having a crush on boys or something, or even with dogs... but like this is just too much. Say I felt something weird around one kid and got a groinal, I’d think about the scenario a lot, try to analyze whether I was/are attracted/aroused, but then it subsided and other kids/fears don’t trigger me.
Can someone please give me their input?