POCD or?

27 September 2020 - 19:07

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I’ve been struggling lately. I read stuff about pedophiles on psychforums. This one guy who thinks he has OCD said that he found himself thinking about kids a lot, and that could be a sign of pedophilia is what I read (I haven’t looked too much into it). I struggle with the fear of being a pedophile. I get uncomfortable around kids, get anxious and get responses (I hope they’re groinals). I don’t fantasize about kids nor do I have any desire to (at least I’m sure I don’t). I love adults and have a strong attraction to adults. But some kids trigger me. I’ll sometimes get these (what I hope) are described as false attractions or feelings, and I’ll try to ruminate if I’m attracted to a particular child (“am I attracted to this kid” “let me test mentally”, and so on. I guess analyzing the feeling, not at all daydreaming about kids or being like, “omg, I can’t stop thinking about this or this...” type thing. I don’t know if this constitutes as me thinking about kids, and this is what scares me because if it is, then I must be a pedophile then no? I had something similar with HOCD where it felt like I was scared of having a crush on boys or something, or even with dogs... but like this is just too much. Say I felt something weird around one kid and got a groinal, I’d think about the scenario a lot, try to analyze whether I was/are attracted/aroused, but then it subsided and other kids/fears don’t trigger me. 

Can someone please give me their input?

This post has been thanked 1 time. 27 September 2020 - 19:48

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Sounds exactly like ocd to me try to relax your a good person if u were a pedophile u wouldnt be here

This post has been thanked 1 time. 27 September 2020 - 23:18

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Classic. I’m going through the same thing, DONT worry please you’re not alone . I had the same thing ur not a pedophile if you was you would genuinely enjoy these thoughts and feelings .

28 September 2020 - 22:27

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I really hope you’re right, Gemma. I’m just scared because I have felt uncomfortable around particular kids. I hope these are “false feelings”. I’m worried about the “thinking about kids” part. I feel like I’m the only one on this forum who does this. If I’m triggered by a particular kid, and feel something (either mentally or physically such as a groinal), I’ll wonder if I was aroused/attracted to the kid, analyze the situation later, and by causation, I would sort of be thinking about the kids (“am I attracted to her? Or even him? ). I’ll pull up images mentally (non sexual most of the time, but sometimes sexual to further test) to test. Is this not thinking about kids? Isn’t this a sign of pedophilia?  

My only comfort is that it’s not like thinking about a typical crush. I mean like, I assume when pedophiles think about kids, it’s more like them daydreaming about them like a crush type thing. I have really no idea. What does anyone else think about this?

29 September 2020 - 20:17

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Anyone else?

This post has been thanked 1 time. 29 September 2020 - 22:41

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I have been going through something very similar to what you've been going through. It is awful! But try not to respond to these thoughts as they will get even more confusing it gets to the point that you'll forget that 1+1=2

30 September 2020 - 2:14

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I feel like it’s focusing on certain regions though. Like I get weird feelings when focusing on legs and chest area (I compulsively check for signs of puberty). Literally, I’ll be walking, I’ll see a kid who I know I’m not attracted to, but then my brain will make me check for any signs of puberty (even if they haven’t hit puberty) and it’s the worst thing ever.  

like I guess if I saw the kids who trigger me in person I wouldn’t be that afraid, but like I feel like my brain manipulates how they look in my mind to exaggerate some features and make me test more. I remember it did it to this one kid who I was scared I was attracted to, and then when I saw them again, they didn’t look like the image my mind conjured prior.

I’m honestly so confused. I hate how tense I get when noticing kids, how I focus and try not to feel anything. I severely hope this is just OCD. 

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