16 April 2019 - 17:14
So I've been having great days recently when it comes to overcoming pocd. I feel happy when I'm attracted to guys my age and not young people which I guess just proves it's my (possible) pocd which is causing me having doubts.
I know I don't have any romantic attraction to young ones as I've always had romantic fantasies with guys my age and crushes with guys my age. And sexual attraction I have had only fantasies about romantic sex with guys my age which I'm happy if it stays that way which is nice to know.
But the problem is is that I feel like I'm developing a horrible fetish to you know what I mean... I read about p being a paraphilia instead which terrifies me as I know I love bdsm and have a fetish to a particular type of clothing. So when I want to have those dirty fantasies I only want it with guys. But the horrible thing Is, is that I can get excited with it on guys my age but trying to climax is virtually impossible ever since this (what i believe) pocd started. It's like I need an image of a young person for me to climax. I've tried to see if it would happen in my head and i could feel the climax coming so I stopped immediately and tried to think about men again but it's getting harder now which is terrifying to me. Is it likely that my mind is just in this fear mode and that's why I can only climax to that at the moment? I heard fear can sometimes control your climax.
But now I also get major groinal responses still when I'm out in public and I see young ones. It's not erections but it's still like there's strong tingling sensations like swellings. Its like my mind and heart is telling me i dont want that at all, but my groin is like oh yes you do. I know I mentally and emotionally don't want to do anything to a young one i think that's just seriously sick. But my groin is just telling me other stuff which scares me.
Is it likely that because I'm still thinking about all this, is that I'm still getting groinal responses and horrible climax situations? Again I don't want these and I don't feel happy at all when I have them. Is it just anxiety causing all this? Thank you for reading, I'm feeling like a monster again..