5 May 2019 - 15:54
Basically today at work was busy and full of kids (I work in retail). I was always nervous when I see kids because I honestly still don't know the different between romantic, sexual, aesthetic attraction etc. Now when i see young ones there no spark like with guys my age ( I'm gay btw). But I was always feeling nervous and down because I notice that i found every young one somewhat beautiful... But there was no thrill or warm feelings like I had for crushes and guys my age.. now I always was grateful with the fact that I have never been fully aroused when I see a young one (etc erection). But the problem was, Is that i decided to really try and test it by looking at this one young one. And after 10 seconds I was able to do it. I instantly freaked out and stopped looking and turned away from the situation. This scared me because I always thought that's what sexual attraction was. Being able to gain an erection or arousal from seeing someone. I always had this with guys so the fact that I done a test with this young one and it worked must prove that it is that I have sexual attraction for both.. or I have just another fetish where I get turned on by bodies. Now the problem is that. I have 2 clothing fetishes or kinks which I really enjoyed for years. I always got off on guys with these fetishes. But now the fantasies keep getting darker and darker and now I realised guys my age or older wearing these fetishes doesn't turn me on anymore... I can only get aroused if it's on a young one. I'm really upset by this and I'm not happy at all. I'm now thinking I just don't experience sexual attraction and that this arousal with older guys will just slowly disappear and decide to go down this horrible dark route..
Is it likely ocd still? Is it that I just don't believe in myself and that's why I'm letting these arousal happen? Ive been told humans are normally turned on by the more taboo and dark the fantasies become. Is that likely the reason why this is happening and its not real sexual attraction but just nerves?
The fact that the fetishes can make me aroused on a young one must mean I'm at least part p?? Im really really scared and I don't know what to do. I've been getting better and now this.. ive been told to let the ocd have these thoughts but it's just making everything stronger!!
Is this still pocd guys?? Please help