22 May 2019 - 16:52
So this past 1 or 2 weeks have been the best I have experienced where my possible pocd has been really low. And all my attraction to guys my age have come flooding back. I finally felt normal again.
Until yesterday night I was feeling In the mood and decided to get one off (sorry if it sounds dirty)
And I tried to imagine guys my age but once again the thoughts of young ones kept coming back and stronger. It was at one scary point where thinking about guys my age wasn't turning me on anymore and only young ones were. Luckily I managed to get off to a fantasy about a guy my age, but it bothered me at how it felt like it would of been better if it wasn't someone my age...
I decided not to put as much thought into it as I reckon it was ocd and I know what I want in life.
But then I was getting strong groinal responses again from seeing young ones and I can feel the pocd and fear start to come back slowly... I just read something about "arousal non-concordance" and it scared me because it stated that in women the groinal responses and actual arousal put together only counts for 10%. Yet for a male it's a really high 50%. I'm a (gay) guy so is this basically saying that for men groinal responses arnt really a thing and that it's actual arousal..
This triggered me and once again the pocd feels like it's starting to creep back into my life again..