2 June 2018 - 11:03
Hi, I am a 17 year old male who has had(I hope) POCD for a year. I posted on this forum like a month ago and I have been ok since, but now it's kind of come back, but in a different way so I cannot assure myself it's POCD anymore.
So it is like this: My POCD usually revolves around kissing. Before I had real anxiety when I checked if I liked kissing kids, but never have I liked it. For quite some time after that I didn't check on that anymore and instead pictured kissing girls of my age, liked it of course etc.
But yesterday it hit me again, I saw a pretty little girl, she was like 10, and a thought of kissing her came into my head (I didn't want it to) and it felt like I actually liked it, before anxiety kicked in. I freaked out of course, and checked it for hours. But this time it was very hard to assure myself I don't like it, I really had to focus hard on the fact it was a kid. So could it be that I just liked the thought of kissing and not the kid, because I fantasize about girls my age so much and it has become a reflex reaction? I know i like kids but ussually in a way one would like a stuffed toy or a pet, I don't find childish characteristics arousing. But this thing yesterday really got me doubting that.