POCD confession

This post has been thanked 1 time. 2 May 2019 - 15:57

Profile Image
Forum User
Location: America
Join date: Apr 2019
Thanks: 4

I'm 16 years old and I really need to get this off my chest. On a popular furry porn website I visit there is a lot of porn that features younger characters. I would look at that and jerk off to that along with the other porn that didn't feature the younger characters on the site. It never occurred to me back then that it was wrong. It was just cartoons and nothing was real. But looking back I have momentous amounts of guilt that I looked at that stuff. Most of my POCD fears and intrusive thoughts stem from this porn I used to look at. I don't look at it anymore (nor do I want to) and whenever I think I see something like on the site (I have a blacklist now) my anxiety starts up because I'm afraid I'm going to get aroused by it. It makes me question if it is POCD or not because I don't see anyone talk about it. I'm really confused, guilty, and scared. I just wish I could forgive myself and make these thoughts stop. Please help me!

2 May 2019 - 16:03

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Sep 2016
Thanks: 20

I am going through the same thing with porn. Message me if you want to chat.

This post has been thanked 1 time. 2 May 2019 - 17:29

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Apr 2019
Thanks: 9

I understand why you're scared. 16 is round about the age when Pedophilia can take hold. And I know exactly how it feels. You do anti-pedo tests, you fear losing your friend and your family's love and trust, even if you don't think you're a pedo you feel like a sex offender. But these memoroes are false. Sure, the POCD will not let you believe that, and it'll do elaborate things to make sure of that. But you must fight it no matter what. Never give in. Never stop thinking and breaking down the walls of paranoia. It's the only way to fill the blanks.

3 May 2019 - 16:59

Profile
Forum User
Location: America
Join date: Apr 2019
Thanks: 4

I should probably say that the porn that I watched was shota (animated underaged characters), but the website that it was on was just a normal furry porn website. I'm afraid that because I watched this porn it means I am a p*do. I know that I watched it, it is not a false memory. I wish I never watched it and thinking about it now makes me feel sick and guilty. It just never leaves my mind that I looked at that stuff and it is the main fear I have and the main source of the intrusive thoughts. It makes me question that I even have OCD because everyone else I read about just thinks they saw underaged people and the ones that actually did (mostly in the same boat as me with the shota/loli) have no responses. I don't know what to do. 

3 May 2019 - 17:21

Profile
Forum User
Location: America
Join date: Apr 2019
Thanks: 4

I should also also say that I didn't just look at that porn. It wasn't even my default choice. I would mostly look at the regular adult stuff (Muscles, chubby guys, etc) and underwear stuff. I would mostly be looking at other things and it would just be there and I'd jerk off to it. But there were occasions where I looked for it directly on the site. This website never had any real cp and it wasn't even its main purpose, that main purpose being a general furry porn/art website. I still like to look at the muscular/chubby guys and whenever I see anything that I think looks "too young" I start to get anxious and look at something else. 

6 May 2019 - 20:27

Profile
Forum User
Join date: Mar 2019
Thanks: 16

16?? I thought it was onset of puberty like 12 or 13... This terrified me

Reply to this topic