POCD attraction? Please help

28 September 2020 - 20:34

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So, I'd like to talk about me having pocd...

[DISCLAIMER:] I get into details, so please be aware of that. Thanks.

I've noticed that sometimes when my thoughts come into my mind, it's like I'm actually enjoying the thought as the thought REALLY feels like I want it. But then when I sit down, analyzing/thinking about it some more, it then starts to feel disgusting. I would like to point out that's there's been multiple times also, where the thought has entered my brain, and I then immediately felt disgusted, so it's not every time.

The reason why I think it's pocd and not me being a p is:

- I've had the exact kind of thing towards harm OCD and incest OCD, which is also a pain in the ass.

- It's not every time. There have been multiple occasions where I've felt immediate disgust.

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- I've realized that when these feelings sometimes pops in, I've never gotten a boner from it. And I usually get a boner from thinking something sexually nice. Not every time, but sometimes.

So no matter how many reassurances, it's just never enough for the OCD.

So why do I then feel like this sometimes? I know that when these feelings come I will then start to analyze/thinking of it more and I will then feel disgusted by the thought.

Cuz when these types of thoughts come in, I will start to think; "Do I really like the thoughts?" I will then sit down, and it will always end up with me being disgusted by the thought.

So my question is: Can OCD make you feel like you want the thought? That you're actually attracted to the thought?

I'm just scared and need clarification, even though it's a compulsion. I will NEVER EVER hurt a child, I even worked in a kindergarten for a whole year without anything happening.

If someone is interested here is how it all started:

- It all just started when this little kid hugging me from the kindergarten. He was kinda laying his head on my crouch, and that was fine I guess, rly didn't think of it. But then this thought came into my mind. I was thinking this: "What if it was a girl at my age laying on my crouch?" And then having these sexual thoughts about a girl my age. I was 14 at the time, and I know that at that age sexual thoughts about ANYTHING can come into your mind at any given moment. But then after I thought stuff like; what if it wasn't because of the sexual thought about the girl? What if I'm secretly a pedophile, and it was because of the child? Even tho, it had nothing to do with a child, and just me having a sexual thought at the wrong moment in the wrong time, I still had these thoughts; what if?

I'm just really scared.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.