22 September 2020 - 1:30
Alright. I've been diagnosed with OCD for sure. But I keep looking at my 13 year old sisters butt. I come around her, get super anxious and look quickly, then feel like garbage for hours or days, it's been like this for months. I'm just so done. I talked to my therapist about it and how I've watched animated porn with characters that were kinda young looking but I don't do it anymore but that it's never an attraction to kids. How I was dating a freshman when I was 17. The worst part is, my therapist hits me with "I don't know if you're a pedophile". I have no idea how to handle that. I read one of the answers to my posts earlier about feeling like a pedo and feel better. Spent time with my sister making dinner, then started worry slightly to now full on panic. I'm worried now because I'm NOT looking, why am I not looking now? Is it because I'm actually a pedophile and I've just accepted it or because like pedophiles, they don't feel guilty? I am so confused. I need help now. I can't tell if it's pedophilia or just that I'm in denial. I hate this so much and it makes me feel gross tf is wrong with me?