9 June 2019 - 16:52
Hello. I’ve written in here a couple of times with this issue, but it just seems to backfire on me with new questions every time I find a solution.
So the story is (and I’m keeping it short), that I was deeply depressed when I was a young teenager. I’m not necessarily blaming my actions on my depression, but it could have had a big helping hand. To say it bluntly, I masturbated to fictional erotic stories featuring children having sex with adults from time to time.
I started putting it behind me, because in the end I know I was a dumb teen and it was easy to find arousing material that could make your stress melt away.
The thing is, I read somewhere that says, that it is definitely a fetish if you keep feeling arousal after 6 month. And this thing I had going on lasted for about three years, on and off.
I’ve never looked at a real child and thought something that shouldn’t belong in my head. But I did keep masturbating to those stories because I knew they could get me off.
Now I’m terrirfied I truely am a pedophile for finding those stories arousing. I am already questioning if I ever found a real kid attractive...I am starting to wonder if I ever masturbated to the thought of a real kid of thought weirdly about them!
In advance, thanks for the advice, and please please please help me.
(I cannot tell my therapist about this for reasons)