12 February 2020 - 13:40
so went back to the the GP today to see a mental health specialist went through my childhood history of OCD from the age of about 10-15.
We discussed my light switching, tapping windows, biting my ulcers certain times etc and where all this started from with the oCd of a sexual nature.
I always feels a fraud when I type HOCD/SOCD as people always correct me saying it doesn’t exist so always put OCD now.
So sat there told her about my graphic thiughts that plague me 24/7. Receiving anal, bending over to pick things up and imagine anal, sleeping on my side and imagining anal, role playing by bending over, kissing walls, kissing family members and every man I see and all the other stuff I do.
Now when we were going through this she was very professional and well educated as said sound like you suffer from quite severe OCD and that you are trying to find an answer to whether your gay or not when you’re clearly not.
The problem is though no matter if someone told me I was Gay I would still get these thoughts I think and if someone told me I was straight I don’t think they would go away either.
Now I know I keep saying this to everyone but this forum has been my only place to even get some advice, guidance support so to everyone here who I have caused frustration to I am so sorry I have never ever ever felt depression like this and literally had a mental breakdown 2 weeks ago to a point where I thought suicide was my only answer.
It’s hard to explain when looking into a phone typing in your message to a forum when you are literally shaking, crying and all your wanting is some one To reply