OCD

16 February 2020 - 13:42

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I feel everyday now that I know I am Gay, every thought of kissing a man just feels right, every thought of doing stuff with men doesn’t cause me any fear and I can see myself doing it. I have been so relaxed over the last week with new medication and have literally got to a point with my girlfriend where I tell her I am enjoying the thoughts. Has anyone gotten to a point where you have been diagnosed with ocd but then realised that the OCD was genuine thoughts and desires 

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16 February 2020 - 18:42

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I’d answer this but its not going to do anything.

You have asked the same exact questions over and over, and every time someone answers them, you disagree with everything and keep saying you know you’re different and you want it. If you want it, then you want it. If you dont then you dont. You obviously have some trouble with the thoughts.  

you should probably stop testing yourself over and over, and maybe take a break from these forums as it seems like youre stuck in a loop. You’ve asked this same exact question like 8 times already.

what answer are you looking for?

16 February 2020 - 19:41

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I just don’t know what to do? 

17 February 2020 - 2:43

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We’ve told you what to do blade, stop testing yourself. Stop obsessing. Want your answer? Then stop obsessing stop testing etc.

Even if you had some statistics or examples of people who turned out to be gay after this or not I doubt it would help you. You’d probably just be wondering which am I? Gay or not gay? Am I like this person or not? It doesn’t seem like you’re going to get an answer to this by asking these questions so maybe stop asking all the time. Focus on not testing instead.

 

 

 

17 February 2020 - 8:15

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hi I don’t know how I’m tired and seeing a therapist at the moment. The only people are Purewarrior and Dave123 and also a guy that private message me saying he thought he has OCD for years and actually turned out to be gay and thought this couldn’t happen.

I just feel so different to everyone else because I don’t see anyone on here explaining graphic thoughts like I do and don’t want to be going to therapy if I am actually Gay and this isn’t oCd if you see what I mean. 

This post has been thanked 1 time. 17 February 2020 - 12:04

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There is nothing wrong with being comfortable with the thoughts, Blade.

Nobody here can tell you who you are. How about you started describing how you feel? Like overall? Be honest to you. How’s your life going, is the relationship with your girlfriend okay? How do you feel about yourself?

Write those things in a journal. Don’t try anything. Also, sometimes its good to ask yourself: what’s the worst thing that could happen if you were honest to yourself and others?  

Whether you like men or not, it is a really simple question. If you do, then that’s wonderful!!

If not, then that’s okay too.

17 February 2020 - 12:28

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I am literally broken everyday of my life and depressed to a point where getting out of bed is a struggle.

My relationship with my girlfriend is very tough at the moment and it literally breaking us emotionally. We cry pretty much both nights as I go I say I think I am Gay and in denial. 

The wave of sweating and anxiety that comes over in me on daily basis has left me shaking, I can’t watch TV without seeing every man and kissing him, the thoughts consume me everyday of my life and are effecting my concentration at work.

That’s the point it’s trying to find whether I like it or not and evey thought that consumes me 24/7 with the role playing and checking how I feel about kissing a man has become so natural that I can’t even walks down the street without thinking about kissing everyman I see.

It gets to a point where I will literally stare at a man and imagining kissing him and waiting for this feeling to go yes or no.

I have gotten to a point of now where I think about  every thought of doing stuff with men and have lost all dislike feeling, sometimes I get moments where I go I can’t see myself doing anything with a man in terms of giving oral and all other acts but then I role play it in my head and it isn’t enough for me to say.

I am seeing a mental health specialist at the moment and saw her last week and she said it doesn’t sound like you are attracted to men but then what do all the here graphic thoughts mean.

I also saw a therapist local to me about my situation and he also said he doesn’t sound like you are attracted to men but with all these thoughts it’s hard to think otherwise.

I see straight actors playing gay roles all the time and they kiss men but if they are kissing men isn’t that an indication.

I am literally crying everyday of my life and this forum is all I have. I always thought HOCD meant you were straight but reading some people’s stories on here have left me in situation where thinking that OCD could be real

17 February 2020 - 13:06

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Yes well that doesn’t sound like you are attracted to men, then again I am saying it only from my point of view.

What I do think is that you are obsessing too much over something is not worth obsessing about. Attraction is a NICE feeling. It makes your feet go jelly or it gives you pleasure to think about someone in really confortable manner, you think about someone before you go to sleep, fantasize about being with him/her.

It is definetely not picturing yourself doing anal with them or kissing someone random at a popular place or whatever those intrusive thoughts are. Attraction is a GOOD feeling. That’s why it is so fucking biased to think that it might be a bad thing. If u find yourself fond of some guy, in a way that it gives you pleasure, stop obsessing over it and just let it be. And the same goes if you happen to find a girl that you can’t get out of your mind IN A GOOD WAY.

Concentrate on the positive and not the negative. I believe that all humans are capable of being attracted to any sex.

I definetely have had couple of moments where I have been attracted to men in some level but it is a totally different thing if I wanted to have sex with them. If you would really like to fuck someone, I promise that you would know it so clearly that it would be impossible to miss. And that would be a GOOD FEELING as well.

So let me say it to you one more time: focus on the positive and not negative and let the obsessing go. Obsessing turns things around in your head. Accept the thoughts that are in your head and don’t try to change them in any way and don’t blame yourself for thinking them and don’t try to find some kind of a meaning behind them.

And if it happens that you find yourself attracted to some guy, then wouldn’t it be quite absurd to think that it is a bad thing? There is zero reasons to feel bad if you are feeling good about something.

 

17 February 2020 - 13:29

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What

Quote:
Well these are the thoughts I get I put myself in scenarios of gay acts to see how I feel but feel like i have lost all sense of dislike.

I feel like I am waiting for that button to go no you don’t like it but never get that I get to that point.

I am literally picturing every guy I see I don’t know if this is testing and find myself doing it on purpose the majority of the time now.

I can’t stop kissing walls, I can’t stop bending over. I woke up this morning and tried to reinacct giving a blowjob I can’t stop doing it.

I feel like I imaging every possible act there is and go and gay porn to see if I like it, I use to be able to say I don’t like it but now I can’t and don’t know if this is because I am.

I saw a guy the other day and all I could think of doing was kissing him and putting myself in that scenario and can’t even make a decision if I am liking it, I feel like because I am not repulsed anymore I feel I want it but then I question was I eve repulsed and is this actually realising I am.

The constant thought of want to receive anal everyday of my life is unbelievable but then I question is this because I want to experience it.

I have lied to my girlfriend saying I have been out and do it I have lied on here and don’t know why I am doing it.

I use to obsessed with porn, use to to sadly by the daily sport when I was kid, use to buy porn mags, use to buy dvds for porn. I use to when you think back quite a serious porn addict.

I think I am just very afraid that OCD of  sexual nature could mean that some people are and was naive enough to believe years ago saying to myself this is not geuine when it could be 

 

17 February 2020 - 14:36

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Yes, Blade, you are having lots of sexual thoughts.

If I told you that I was gay but I hadn't realized it until now because I have had OCD all my life, what would it say about you?

Absolutely nothing.

On the other hand:

If you told me that you like guys but you are annoyed because you are afraid what others might say about that, then that would be a different thing. I would say that Blade, that's wonderful! There is nothing wrong with that, go for it!

That would tell me something about you.

Or:

If you said that you found yourself looking at some guy's bottom and it made you weird and anxious, then I would say: Blade, damn, sorry to hear that you are anxious about it but it seems like they are just thoughts, which are common in human mind. It actually sounds a bit funny, in a way.

That would tell me something about you as well, in a different way though.

 

Thus, I cannot tell you what you feel. Feelings are not the same thing as thoughts.

17 February 2020 - 14:45

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but then that’s what I automatically start thinking i think am I just a scared to tell people I have gotten to a point now where I think anal penetration feel like I want it and bend over to to try an experience it. 

I just don’t know how I am ever going to get to a point of happiness and feel like I have annoyed that many people on here that I have lost aloe of good contacts.

I just feel like I can’t even cope anymore and don’t know what to do. Do you think this is me been scared of what people will say?

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