Not sure what to do for the best

21 July 2019 - 0:26

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Hi

I have been taking a bit of time away from the site as causes serious stress sometimes but I am just at a point now where I just feel I know I am.

my girlfriend and I went to a party last night and I saw this guy I haven’t seen in years and I was proper taken back by him and it felt like in a good way, the thought of kissing him was pleasing and I couldn’t stop staring at him, that to me seems like attraction.

I remember some of you saying going to a gay bar would help and I think it really would. I mean I seek gay porn all the time and feel I am not doing it for any reassurance that I am not gay but more reassurance that I am.

I see on here that people are very unhappy with their intrusive thoughts but I genuinely feel like I enjoy the thoughts and unhappy because I know I am but I just don’t want to be gay because of the society

 

Is it possible that someone could be gay but just be      OCD about being gay.

 

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21 July 2019 - 4:45

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Hi,

There is a sub category of ocd that centers around homosexuality. Either Gay or Lesbian.

21 July 2019 - 11:27

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Thanks for this do you know where I would find this 

22 July 2019 - 8:40

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anyone know where this sub category is? 

22 July 2019 - 19:42

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i’ve seen a lot of your posts and one thing that’s always evident to me is that you’re very distressed and unsure. that’s exactly what ocd is. you need to tell yourself that even if you are gay, you still have ocd and you need to work on that in order to know who you truly are. maybe it’s time for professional help? sometimes we can’t deal with things on our own. you said this site causes you stress. you coming back here to ask questions is a compulsion from your ocd. we’re all guilty of it, of course. but in order for you to get better you need to stop seeking reassurance and trying to “figure out” if you’re gay or not. you need to treat and focus on your ocd first. after that’s treated, things will be clear.

22 July 2019 - 22:16

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Thanks for the response. I am trying to work on this but it is pretty clear to me now that I am gay I am just trying so hard not to be.

I day dream about walking into a gay bar now and kissing a man, I can clearly see men are attractive in my eyes and I picture wanting to act out sexual things. I know it clear as day who I am these days I just don’t want to be. I saw a guy the other day who I was besotted with.

One of my concerns is I can’t stop thinking about kissing men, oral and gay sex every day. Is this because I am so closeted and building up all this emotion that I am just ready to explode. Do I need to seek therapy for helping me to come to terms with this.

I just strongly believe that people telling me I have OCD has made me falsely believe something and led me into a big stage of denial/depression   

 

23 July 2019 - 2:50

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have you had any other ocd themes before this? people can have obsessions about anything with ocd. i will say it is possible that a gay man could have ocd over whether he’s gay or not, BUT it’s nothing like this. they knew their whole life that they were gay and all of a sudden they just had this fear that they weren’t. it’s nothing like what you’re telling me here. there’s a reason you haven’t dropped your girlfriend and actually done anything with a man. i know when a girl is attractive and i’m also a girl. that doesn’t mean i’m a lesbian. noticing that someone is attractive doesn’t mean you’re gay. you also say you feel like you want to do those things, and guess what? i also said things like that when my ocd was at its worst. i do suggest therapy as it can help regardless of what you are or aren’t, but try the ocd approach first. 

23 July 2019 - 8:24

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Yes I grew up doing like switches, clicking them 3 times, touching walls 3 times, I use to suffer mouth ulcers and had to bite them 3 times. I still brush my teeth on a morning and gag myself 3 times, I bend over to picture a man doing it to me, I kiss walls and picture it been a man, I analyse gay porn and watch gay men kissing to wait for some sort of dislike to come back, I measure my finger length has apparently there is some gay hand ration, I get urges to kiss my family members, I get urges to any man whether he be old or young...the list is endless. I went to therapy when I was like 20 for CBT and had 6 years of feeling better. My girlfriend knows all about this and she is very supportive. She try to explain that no gay man would do the things I do with her in bed. When I see her giving me oral I picture myself doing it and because I don’t get any dislike about anything these days related to homosexual acts I believe it means I am. 

23 July 2019 - 15:10

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Blade,

Didnt you say you went on a date with a guy the other day? That you did sexual things with him and liked it? I’m confused

23 July 2019 - 15:46

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No I didn’t [comment edited by Moderator]. I have no idea why I said it and what I was trying to achieve, it’s almost as if I want people to say I am gay. Like I said my girlfriend. Is very worried about my mental health and jot sure why to do anymore. If I went to I gay forum they would say I was in denial and need to come out 

23 July 2019 - 16:28

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Blade that is messed up my man.  [Comment edited by Moderator] Your HOCD is extremely severe at the moment and you HAVE to get into therapy with a ERP and CBT therapist as soon as you can! I haven’t seen my therapist in a couple of weeks and I can feel my symptoms coming back a bit so have booked an appointment next week and I know it will help me so much. I have felt all the uncertainty, fear, realness etc. that you feel. If you want any advice bro drop me a DM.

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