No more POCD but still?

This post has been thanked 1 time. 1 August 2018 - 0:38

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So I am a 17 year old male, been fighting with POCD for a year and recently finally put an end to it (researched the thing thoroughly), had it real bad for a while. Stoped being anxious, still had automatic body responses to children but I know they mean nothing since I don't like those responses. So far so good.
The problem is this, kind of hard to explain: since I created an involuntary arousal response to kids, I get the same response towards girl who are "baby-faced", look younger etc. but in this situation it doesn't bother me, I even like it up to a point I remember that these are charactheristics that are somewhat childlike, then I find it repulsive. I like more mature ones too, of course.
I should also mention that I probably have an bit of an infantilism fetish (I love baby talk, cuddling and stuff like that), which causes even more confusion.
I am peaceful because I know I would never hurt anyone, and don't like actual kids in that way. Still it kind of bugs me sometimes.
I wanted to post this since i didn't see much POCD beating success stories, so I thought I would share mine.

1 August 2018 - 0:45

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Hi,There are other posts with the same idea.

1 August 2018 - 2:09

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Cannot find anything. What is your opinion on this?

1 August 2018 - 13:12

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Anyone else?

This post has been thanked 1 time. 1 August 2018 - 15:37

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Hey!

My POCD is exactly the same, (though I am gay, so slightly different haha) The thoughts don't effect me as much but the response still remains. I ignore it because I know who I am. I also left a very toxic environment recently and that helped calm things down ALOT 

It's great that you are sharing your success, well done! 

It's a tricky thing to deal with, the stigma of the thoughts creates fear about talking about them. But having the strength to open up and tackle the problem is truely awesome!

1 August 2018 - 16:27

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Sort of similar: https://www.ocdaction.org.uk/forum/ocd-and-intrusive-thoughts/pocd-false-attractions

2 August 2018 - 1:04

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Thank you all. Something else worth mentioning: sometimes when I would screw my mind up so bad from all the checking it was as if I "forgot" to have a repulsive feeling after those thoughts and that one moment you feel like you really enjoy these thoughts and want to fantasize became much longer and it felt very real because of that. It is really strange, as if there are two voices in your head, the rational one that says it is all stupid and another one that leaves me convinced I am in denial and that I want that feeling of enjoyment that I had. But somehow I always knew this other one was wrong. I have done the following to help myself: even though the sensations (at least in my head) were saying that I must be a pedophile and it even felt right because I was so twisted up, I didn't believe it anyway because I remembered how repulsed I felt at the beggining and that can't be real me then. OCD is really a dumbass when you think about it rationally, like a kid that didn't study for an exam and refuses to leave the answer blank, making up convincing false answers on the way.
Sorry for rambling so long, I just hope iam not mistaken in tese beliefs. Best of luck to all.☺️

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