Masturbating to the thoughts

11 February 2020 - 16:27

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So far I am the only one who masturbates to the thoughts that scare me.  I think this is denial or self hatred or something.  I never read anyone who does this.   I saw a guy today yawning and lifted his arms over his head to yawn and stretch and he exposed his stomach a little bit and without thinking or checking I instantly felt something in my groin like a jolt of arousal sensation.

Then this afternoon I was going to jerk off to thoughts of women but it wasn't working that well so decided to check to gay thoughts and got fairly aroused and was able to finish.

Does this happen to anyone else?  I really believe I am gay now. I feel deep down I know I am.

 

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11 February 2020 - 17:33

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I feel a normal person would have accepted they are gay by this stage given the evidence but I still battle against it.   I have been 13 yrs like this now.  I just think I must be a self hating gay who thinks there is something wrong with being gay. 

I did grow up masturbating to girls and looking forward to the day I would get with girls.  I just find it so unfair that it was a lie and I never even knew it. 

12 February 2020 - 2:45

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Ok let me make something very clear. People don’t suddenly turn into gay by masturbating to an image of same sex. If you have been able to do it with opposite sex as well, the fact that you did it by thinking the same sex, does not change that. Thoughts do not mean anything. It’s the desire that matters. 

Important thing here is that don’t seek reassurance from yourself. Calm down, let the thoughts floe through your mind and don’t worry about labels. Do what feels right. Be you. You deserve it!

This post has been thanked 1 time. 13 February 2020 - 4:18

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Hi mellow, I’ve been reading your replies to posts lately and I wouldn’t necessarily go that route. You are basing it off by arousal and that he keeps bringing up that he feels “aroused” in some sort of way. Well yes that can be a huge factor to giving someone a sign of “maybe he does like it” but in general it’s far from the truth. Groinal Responses in general can range from a small tingle, swelling, movement, a full erection or even an orgasm. Arousals is from the brains functions and most of the time it goes by your desire however, your brain doesn’t necessarily give a rats ass about your desires. Now let’s go to porn. Porn, no matter what, isn’t an indicator to sexuality at all. It’s not realistic at all. Dave has said many times throughout the countless amount of forums about his “arousal” which yes can be give one a certain mindset. But in general, a person with OCD will always doubt what they feel even though they know it’s hurting them and it’s not arousal it’s just anxiety. But they don’t think that because they have OCD. 

 

This post has been thanked 1 time. 13 February 2020 - 16:16

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I always said by accepting it may help, I went to therapy and helped lower the anxiety. I agree mellow I think it's shame associated with the fact you are enjoying the thoughts or desires.

13 February 2020 - 22:33

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Well that's just great.  I feel so much better now.  Why were people tellign me for 10 years this was all ocd?

I dont watch gay porn.  I test to mental images.  I dont do it for fun.  I can also masturbate to women and orgasm.

FML

13 February 2020 - 23:55

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Dave, if you indeed feel full on pleasure from the thoughts of men, and gain erections towards men then yes, you are indeed is the spectrum of being attracted to the same sex. That’s just how it is. If you genuinely like these thoughts then there isn’t anything wrong with it, be happy.

Mellow, Anything in the mind that consist of any sexual nature can be arousing, that’s how we are as humans, very sexual things. Masturbation is stimulation, it causes a reaction no matter what you are doing or thinking. You can get off to a piece of lint on the floor if you tried. If you stroke your penis, you will eventually get some sort of result no matter what. That’s how the minds works. Multiple people have masturbated to the thoughts of the same sex while not fully erected or not fully aroused and it causes them to think that they are gay no matter what. Focusing on your genitals will cause some sort of reaction no matter what. It’s like if you focus on being itchy or getting red bumps throughout your body, you can physically get these reactions because it’s how the mind and bodies work. Arousal Nonconcordance is a perfect example of this. People can get erections and have physical responses to things in any sexual manner but doesn’t necessarily mean they like it. Also the more you test, the more you are practicing your body to get use to the mindset of thinking something like the same sex and become desensitized to how you really feel. It’s like smelling the same smell constantly. You will get to the point where you don’t even smell it anymore because you body is use to it. 

NOW as said before and also said from mellow, if you constantly get full erections or are fully aroused to the thoughts of the same sex. If you always find yourself having to climax to the thought of the same sex because it’s what feels better. Then you may have attractions toward the same sex.

THE only things is, no one in the forum or any type of forum can tell you who you really are but yourself. Dave as much as mellow, me, any body from any forum has told you. You know yourself and you need to sit down and think what is actually going on with you. Is this really arousal? Or is it me just implying the word arousal because my mind telling me it is. If it’s actual arousal, then great my man, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and you should find a great path to acceptance. But if it isn’t, then great my man, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and you should find a great path to acceptance. You must accept the uncertainty no matter what the answer you get. And you also must seek help, because in the end of the day, we aren’t professionals, all we are, is someone who speaks their mind and aren’t trained to provide the right treatment for you.

14 February 2020 - 0:07

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I don't know what I am.   All I can tell you is I grew up masturbating to thoughts of girls from age 14 to 24. That was over 10 yrs ago.  I dont know if it was genuine or not.  At the time I was definitely very aroused seeing women in porn or imagining sex with female teachers at school.   If I saw a girl undressing on tv I would get a boner.If I saw naked men or topless mean I never even thought about sex or found it arousing.

Now my sex drive is zero.  Any time I see a topless man I feel some sensation in my groin.  I dont get an erection or semi.  I get a sensation that the arousal switch has been activated but nothing physical happens.  I then feel I need to investigate it and jerk tot he thoughts to see how aroused they make me.I can get off to them if I try.  I can get off to women if I try.  I find no matter what I am imagining if its kind of taboo or naughty I find it more arousing.  Like a teacher and male student .  me with a 50 year old woman.  Me with someone I'm not supposed to be with.  I am probably in denial but if it scares me I think it arouses me.  I remember fearing I had HIV off this girl 20 yrs ago and even reading about HIV would arouse me a bit and I would feel something in my groin.

I used to get so aroused kissing girls.  Now I feel almost nothing. I once came just kissing a girl.  I used to get erections chatting to them.  Now nothing.

I never want to kiss a man or do anything with a man. But I am now convinced I'm gay.  The sensations in my groin scare the crap out of me. 

I always had a bit of shame and embarrassment about sex.  If I met a girl out I would never tell my family and keep it a secret or I would never talk about sex to my family.   But I told them about this and they told me I would have known long ago if I was gay and that they dont think Im gay but whatever makes me happy is ok with them.  This does not make me happy.  I hate the thoughts and sensations.

FML. 

14 February 2020 - 0:12

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I am different to everyone.  Nobody here jerks to the thoughts and can get off to them. I just wish I wasn't bullshitted by people from the start if Im gay and told this was all ocd.  I think I want to castrate myself now.

14 February 2020 - 0:21

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I always jerk to the thoughts everytime to see if I’m arouses or not

14 February 2020 - 0:22

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Ultimately Dave, in the end of the day. You must seek a therapist. Gay or not, you have to. It’s the only way to finally start the path to a better life.

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