3 June 2019 - 16:53
I made a new list by putting everything that makes me say why I'm straight and why I have OCD.
- I've always found pretty girls
- I've never noticed a man
- I've always fantasized about women.
- I've always wanted to be in a relationship with a woman
- I've always fallen in love with women.
Effects of HOCD when it was very strong:
- Intrusive thoughts and images
- False attraction
- Constant anxiety
- Constant ruminations
- Search similar stories on Google
- Constant fear of being in denial
- Scenario testing
- Groinal responses
- Look at men and women to see who I was attracted to
HOCD effects (I think) now:
- Loss of aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex
- Anxiety almost never there
- Fear that attraction will never return
- Constantly hopes that the attraction will return
- Search for HOCD stories with loss of aesthetic attraction to opposite sex
- Fear that it's not HOCD but that I've gone gay
I don't know what to do anymore, what to think. When I read this, I can see it's HOCD, but... **** it, no longer having an attraction to women... It's not even the fear of being gay anymore, it's the fear that my attraction will never come back, never entirely, it's so real. When I had false attractions, it was pretty obvious that it was false, my loss of aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex is so real...I feel like I've lost a part of myself, me who loved to daydream about girls, about my future married life, about seeing attractive girls everywhere, all the time.
I don't understand how HOCD can make me lose my attraction since I no longer have any anxiety.