Loss of aesthetic attraction to opposite sex. Will my attraction come back ?

3 June 2019 - 16:53

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I made a new list by putting everything that makes me say why I'm straight and why I have OCD.

Straight: 

- I've always found pretty girls

- I've never noticed a man

- I've always fantasized about women.

- I've always wanted to be in a relationship with a woman

- I've always fallen in love with women.

Gay :

//

Effects of HOCD when it was very strong: 

- Intrusive thoughts and images

- False attraction

- Constant anxiety

- Constant ruminations

- Search similar stories on Google

- Constant fear of being in denial

- Scenario testing

- Groinal responses

- Look at men and women to see who I was attracted to

HOCD effects (I think) now: 

- Loss of aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex

- Anxiety almost never there

- Fear that attraction will never return

- Constantly hopes that the attraction will return

- Search for HOCD stories with loss of aesthetic attraction to opposite sex

- Fear that it's not HOCD but that I've gone gay

I don't know what to do anymore, what to think. When I read this, I can see it's HOCD, but... **** it, no longer having an attraction to women... It's not even the fear of being gay anymore, it's the fear that my attraction will never come back, never entirely, it's so real. When I had false attractions, it was pretty obvious that it was false, my loss of aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex is so real...I feel like I've lost a part of myself, me who loved to daydream about girls, about my future married life, about seeing attractive girls everywhere, all the time.

I don't understand how HOCD can make me lose my attraction since I no longer have any anxiety.

 

3 June 2019 - 18:36

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Hello. I'm going to give you one reassurance because i want you to be informed and to feel better. Yes attraction (as much as the ocd convincingly doubts us) does always come back. The problem is due to stress and anxiety which is lowering your libido. I found when I stopped caring it slowly comes back. And let me tell you it feels right and makes us happy. Honestly, imagine you had a tuna sandwich and an ice cream and you could pick one. You're gonna pick the ice cream because it's what you want and it will make you happy. (Or tuna sandwich depending if that makes you happier lol). But the point is humans rely so much on happiness. We're gonna go for the stuff which makes us happy which in your case is girls. I'm gay so I'm happy with guys. When I found out I was gay I wasn't this stressed or concerned. I know when we're so far into ocd and this anxious we fill we will be stuck forever and never get better but you always do. And sadly you will feel down again and can't believe you will get better like before but you always do. Your heart knows what you want. I'm sorry I'm reassuring you but I don't like seeing people stressed like this.

3 June 2019 - 20:49

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The problem is that I don't really feel any stress or anxiety anymore. I want my attraction to come back, I feel like it will never come back (I guess you could say I'm worried, even if I'm not sure). I can't stop worrying about it, the aesthetic attraction to women is too important for me. I know you can't change your sexual orientation like that, and it almost scares me at all anymore (I sometimes have moments when I'm totally irrational and it scares me but when I calm down, I tell myself I'm stupid, that you can't change your sexual orientation).

I do not manage this loss of aesthetic attraction as an intrusive thought because it is much too concrete to be just an intrusive thought, it is not even just thoughts, the attraction is no longer there. I can wake up without thinking about it, normally living for a day or two, but the attraction will not return. I have been in this state for a year (a little longer in reality) and nothing has changed, nothing has come back. 

3 June 2019 - 21:08

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Trust me it will. The fact you don't get anxiety anymore is merely due to something called "backdoor spike". Where you been stressing about it for too long now that it doesn't scare you anymore. It's annoying because you get anxiety from not having anxiety. I would watch videos from Chrissie Hodges on youtube. Her videos on pure ocd are amazing.

3 June 2019 - 21:56

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yes I have watched a few videos of Chrissie hodges 

3 June 2019 - 22:31

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I'm not anxious because I don't have any more anxiety. I'm no longer anxious at all (or almost), so the backdoor spike seems a little improbable to me.My spoken English is far too bad to really follow, but I've already tried to watch these videos. I hope you're right and it will come back. I was able to manage a year of "classic" HOCD, I could hardly manage a year of loss of attraction but I can't do it anymore, it becomes too complicated.

21 June 2019 - 16:05

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I don't even know if it's HOCD anymore... I mean, managing to function since my loss of aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex, without having too much anxiety, or even not at all, I just feel like I'll never find girls attractive like before again. Yeah, I have compulsions, but my attraction hasn't been there for so long... Maybe it's an after-effect? I'm tired of being like this. I don't want to stop finding girls attractive, it drives me crazy. Often I read that it takes patience to get it back, I've been waiting a year and nothing moves. I don't understand how HOCD can take away my attraction.  

This post has been thanked 1 time. 23 June 2019 - 8:32

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Hey I am going through the exact same thing. Started off as HOCD and then slowly and gradually it turned to this weird less anxious obsessive phase where my attraction really went, still is gone and I hope it comes back one day. It is so annoying. But u need to know u rnt the only one going through this cause honestly I was always straight and I loved being heterosexual. The only difference is I am a woman. It just doesn’t feel right the whole idea of us heterosexual ppl being with the same sex( no offence to lesbians or gays) so we tend normally freak out cause well we don’t wanna loose the attraction the opposite sex and just doesn’t normal for us. I kee on doubting it as well whether it is hocd or not, but u will get through this. If u wanna talk about it u can message me. 

26 June 2019 - 18:00

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I can't do it. I mean, before the loss of aesthetic attraction, when I had things like a false attraction or wondered if I was really heterosexual, I could understand that it was just intrusive thoughts and it would get better. But the loss of aesthetic attraction is different. It's not a thought, it's not a feeling, it's not an image. It's just as if my tastes have changed. I can't handle it at all, I just want it to come back, but.... No matter how much less I think about it, no longer have anxiety, fewer compulsions, nothing changes. Girls in general are no longer aesthetically attractive at all. I don't see how it can come back. I don't understand the mechanism around it. Being in a relationship has always been very important to me, but without finding them beautiful, it won't be possible (I'm aware that it's not just the physical, but it matters a lot).

I can't take it anymore, sometimes I just want to get it over with.

27 June 2019 - 21:40

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This loss of attraction to women seems to have become an OCD theme in and of itself for you. The best thing to do for now is to just try your best to let everything go, no matter how wrong it feels. Your brain will keep saying "But what if it never comes back?", and remember "what if?" thoughts are the hallmark of OCD. Just focus on other things, you need to give your brain some time to recalibrate from OCD, and specifically HOCD. The thing with OCD is that it can blur absolutely everything, from memories to thoughts to sexuality. Give yourself some time to heal and you'll find that your normal sexuality will come back when your brain has had enough time to comprehend the ordeal of OCD. 

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