Keep thinking I had sex despite knowing I didn't.

8 November 2016 - 13:18

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A few weeks ago I ran into a guy at a bar who started flirting with me. I was quite drunk and attracted to him, so we started to make out. He made it clear he was sexually interested in me and even said he'd like to meet me in a hotel room. Though I was happy to make out with him, I didn't want to have sex with a stranger, especially when drunk, so we didn't go anywhere. We made out for a while, exchanged numbers and I went back to my friends.

Fast forward to now, I keep imagining a scenario in which I had sex with him. I KNOW I didn't - despite being drunk I remember what I did during the night, how I got home, the morning after I woke up in my bed with no physical evidence or feeling of doing anything sexual, etc. I know I just made out with him, that's it. The day after I wasn't even considering the possiblity, but now after overthinking the situation I imagine that I had sex and of course the pregnancy risks are worrying me. Now I'm really anxious and find it hard to replay the night over and over again, driving myself more anxious. This isn't the first time I've imagined something happening that didn't.

How do I deal with this? My period is coming only after a bit more than a week and I know it will come, but the thought of 9 days spent worrying about this stuff is terrible.

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8 November 2016 - 13:39

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I am going through something similar, rather instead of having sex with someone, it's whether or not I said something incredibly inappropriate to someone. and like you, I replay the encounter over and over and over until now the memory is becoming hazy as time passes, like you I do not actually remember saying it but I remember everything else.

I am going to quote something that Sauron 97 said to me in the thread I made about it, because it's absolutely correct:

''As with all obsessional thought patterns, the issue here is nothing to do with racism or things you do when you're drunk or any other topic you're dwelling about. The focus has to be on your thoughts. It's what I've had to learn over the last few months and it really does help resolve your issues. You're creating events in your head, deciding to react to them with emotion, and allowing that reaction of fear to further influence how you think. '' 

What you have done is just this, you obviously didn't want to sleep with him, and thought how horrible it would be if you did and as said above you have imagined it and attached emotion to it, and now that reaction has influenced how you think, so you're ruminating, creating further doubt and getting yourself stuck in the cycle, which means it will be harder to let this go. But we must allow ourselves to forget about this, we both know these things didn't happen. Don't wait for your period to forget about this, know that it's your OCD and our imaginations are so vivid, don't trust it! trust yourself. 

 

8 November 2016 - 14:02

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Yeah, it seems like my new, imagined thoughts are taking over the old, new ones. It's hard to push them away because I keep replaying them over and over again. I keep thinking like "I don't remember how I said goodbye to my friends - so what if I don't remember something else?" while knowing it's absolutely ridiculous.

I always have difficulty trusting myself because of the "what if" factor. Once I convinced myself that I sold someone weed my friends had at a bar while in reality I took a single puff from it. That's a pretty big leap, isn't it? But I had convinced myself it's a possibility. 

8 November 2016 - 14:54

Mai
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Same here, I'm not even straight but I was with this guy and this girl and I can't avoid thinking I may have done something with him I can't remember and now maybe I'm pregnant. Even if I know I had nothing with both of them, and if I did would be with the girl and I even had my period after this, yet I still have this insane idea it's so annoying.

I think we have to remember it is just OCD.

8 November 2016 - 18:15

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Just wait for the anxiety to disspate in time. It happens.

Also, avoid alcohol.

 

 

8 November 2016 - 18:21

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Hey there. I'm exactly the same..create scenarios in my head, especially after a few drinks..they're things I fully know did not happen but the more I 'imagine ' it the more real they seem it's horrible! But it will eventually pass with time deep down u know it didn't happen its just horrible ocd and anxiety x

8 November 2016 - 18:30

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I just don't understand why I make myself worry over things I know arnt real but can't stop thinking 'what if' it's so draining

8 November 2016 - 23:01

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It's so nice to see that there are many people that have gone through this and can give advice.

Right now my process of thinking is: I know I didn't do it -> I remember many small details from the night and it's impossible that I would forget something like sex -> even if I don't trust my mind there was no physical evidence -> this is imagination at work caused by OCD -> this has happened before -> thinking about it is pointless because I will worry myself more -> I have already answered my doubts and dwelling on it makes it worse -> in a week I'll have a physical confirmation to beat my irrational thoughts in a form of a period.

So the main thing I'm trying to concentrate on is "stop rethinking it because it will cause you to doubt yourself".

9 November 2016 - 0:44

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Yes, you are absolutely not alone in this! There are lots of us who suffer from 'false memories' and alcohol is usually a key player. 

I note this from you:

''Right now my process of thinking is: I know I didn't do it -> I remember many small details from the night and it's impossible that I would forget something like sex -> even if I don't trust my mind there was no physical evidence -> this is imagination at work caused by OCD -> this has happened before -> thinking about it is pointless because I will worry myself more -> I have already answered my doubts and dwelling on it makes it worse -> in a week I'll have a physical confirmation to beat my irrational thoughts in a form of a period.''

That is correct of course, but you need to take that thought process above and get rid of some bits so instead it will be just:

''this is imagination at work caused by OCD -> thinking about it is pointless because I will worry myself more -> I have already answered my doubts and dwelling on it makes it worse''

The rest of what you have said is reassurance in your process of thinking. I know because I was the same way, I told myself the same things you are telling yourself according to the above paragraph, ''i know I didnt do it, I would remember something like that, I remember everything else, if I hadn't imagined it i wouldn't be worrying about this''... I tell myself this once, relax, then I get anxious, remind myself of previous, relax, then I get anxious and it goes on and on and on... until eventually the relief weakens from telling myself this.

''So the main thing I'm trying to concentrate on is "stop rethinking it because it will cause you to doubt yourself".''

Absolutely, this is OCD, ruminating will make it worse.

When you catch yourself trying to reassure yourself, try to stop, it's not easy, but whenever you are seeking relief, you're gonna fall back into that cycle, and believe me it takes a while to undo that damage. Hope this helps, and I hope you get some rest and some peace  

9 November 2016 - 0:56

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I've noticed quite a bit of people get triggered with nights of drinking. On a variety of subjects, whether it was they had sex with someone, said something wrong, hurt someone, and other things. I've had an obsession start with alcohol as well. It's tough. Cause your mind wants to make you doubt so bad. It's like how would you know if you drank? But how would I not remember doing such a thing? And the battle goes on.

9 November 2016 - 1:45

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Alcohol neutralizes OCD, so its tempting. Too many drink too much of it.

Having sex with someone who is drunk is condidered nonconsentual in my state. Its very important to be careful about it. We assign peopke to come along who dont drink to keep an eye on things. You might try that guys.

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