Just how bad are your groinal responses?

5 February 2020 - 0:26

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Was watching tv and some ad for some aftershave came on and some topless muscley guy popped up and immediately I got this intense feeling in my groin like tingling arousal.  This is accompanied by an intense emotion of fear or shock like seeing a ghost.  I just sit there and probably go white as I feel this in my groin. Then my heart sinks and now I have this urge to test and masturbate to the thoughts of the guy to see just how aroused I am by him.

To date I only masturbate about guys when I am feeling shit and need to check if I am aroused by them, I don't do it for fun.  But then to get into it you have to pretend and imagine you are into it.  If I come to gay thoughts I feel like utter shit after and so depressed.

I really believe I am gay now.  I really feel like deep down I know I'm gay and it makes me feel utterly depressed.

I wish sex didnt exist.  I feel happy when I am never thinking of sex in any way whatsoever.  I tend to avoid meeting girls now although I might be meeting a girl this weekend but the truth is I am not int he frame of mind to meet her as I feel gay and confused.

Seriously the intrusive groinal responses or arousal are killing me.  Only for my mother who I spill all my fears onto I think I would be suicidal. 

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5 February 2020 - 2:19

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Never had groinal response once while having this.

5 February 2020 - 9:59

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So this is real attraction then?

6 February 2020 - 21:52

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Just because he hasn’t had any responses doesn’t mean you are any different

7 February 2020 - 0:02

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I never hear of anyone with groinal responses like mine.  It has to be genuine arousal and attraction even if I hate it.  I am going to end up like those american pastors who hates gays only because he is one and eventually comes out.  (I don't hate gays I am just saying that I dont want to be just like those guys)

7 February 2020 - 0:16

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@dave have you figured out why you hate it even if you accept it ? Its always going to be there but how are you going to deal with it? It honestly not that big of a deal.

7 February 2020 - 13:45

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Hi Dave, I had severe Hocd last year and I’m happy to say that my Hocd has significantly reduced. I don’t get much groinals to penises anymore and my attraction to women came back. I get arousals to sexy female body now.

7 February 2020 - 16:18

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What do you mean its not a big deal??  It's fucking terrifying.  I am weirded out everytime it happens and its been happening now since 2007.  Its like being hypochondriac and getting and worrying about brain tumors and getting severe headaches every single day and telling me to not be worried about them.  They are signs of my worst nightmare is true.

Now I am weirded out and a little anxious about Philip Schofield who came out as gay today after being married for 27 years and then I googled it and there was a statement from some LGBT society representative saying how people wrongly assume he knew all along when that is not the case etc..

FML.  I know how this story is going to end for me and its not good.  I feel like deep down I know I'm gay but literally had no clue growing up.

 

These groinals have to mean something.  They happen consistently any time I see a guy topless.  I saw a guys elastic from his underwear today as he bent over to reach for something and I got one.  I've even got one now typing describing that.   There is NO ESCAPE from this hell.   I wonder if I came out would I still be terrified of my groinal responses or would that allow me to enjoy them.

7 February 2020 - 16:57

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Ya I never understood why men go into relationships with women and then decide hey I'm gay now. I don't even care what other do with their life though. Anyone can decide to become gay at any age. It doesn't matter, that guy your talking about probably hide his sexuality.from his wife? But why do you care what other people do. I bet you didn't worry about this when you didn't have these obessions.

Dave you said " I wonder if I come out will it allow me to enjoy them" what would publicly coming out make any difference in enjoying these groinal or not. Do you feel the need to tell.people your having groinal aroasul to become secure

7 February 2020 - 17:07

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2007!! Wow ..it's been 13 years of these false groinal aroasuls and you have yet to deal with them? You have yet to produce any evidence. Have you ever been with a man in real life, if not why?

I have the same aroasul mine are more mental I have real feeling attractions that feel good or stimulating and I start to feel attracted to men. It's to a point I feel like something going to happen. But yet I'm scared, people say some guys go out and try because their feed up with their thoughts. So if you had this one obession for 10 years why haven't you tried? I feel like this obession is different then any other where its completely ok to try.

7 February 2020 - 17:23

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I mean if I come out as gay  then maybe the groinal responses wouldn't scare me then and maybe they would feel enjoyable.  Maybe because I feel like I'm in the closet and dont want to be gay that I feel awful gettign these groinal responses.

I never pursued this because I am probably quite conservative and closed minded.  I dont know.   Its so messed up.  I remember in 2006 I used to hang around with this guy and he would wear baggy jeans and sometimes he would bend over and see this hairy arse.  I remember finding it gross.  Then in 2007 when these fears started the same guy with the hairy arse would give me groinal responses when he bent over.  How could I find it gross and a turn off in 2006 and then my dick feels aroused by it in 2007???

When this started in 2007 I broke down and told my family.  My mother told me I wasn't gay (probably based on my behavioural history of going out and kissing girls etc) and she started researching.  A few days later she says she thinks I have this thing called HOCD and then I googled it and thought yes that souds similar but I am still not sure I have that or not.  I then went 2 years and then got skype sessions off Steven Phillipson the most famous HOCD OCD therapist int he world.

He said in his opinion it was ocd but I never believed him tbh.  My anxiety faded a little from a 10 out of 10 to a 5 or 6 out of 10.  In 2010 my groinals improved somwehat if I can recall  then they came back in 2011.  I then had more therapy from his assistant for another 6 months.  It didn't help.

I dont know.  I think maybe if I was more open minded and stuff I would take this in my stride. Maybe I am a bigotted little bastard who can't accept himself.   I am closed minded and too safe.  I never even tried weed or any drugs.  Maybe I am too scared to even try being gay.

I remember as a teen not wanting to think of guys in any sexual way in case I might discover I might like it.  Thats a sign of being gay no?  But I also never wanted to think of kids or family members int hat way also so I am confused if thats normal or not.

 

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