3 June 2015 - 3:50
I've been struggling a lot for the past few months and I've recently stumbled across this forum, which I think could shed some light on the things I've been experiencing. I've always had a very active mind and have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety at at young age as well as with depression in adolescence. This past year, I've been going through a very stressful period in my life. I've moved out to start university, far away from my family, I'm unfortunately unemployed, my boyfriend has moved in with me, and I've suffered a couple physical illnesses on top of my usual anxiety. Just general big life changes.
But, one day, I started thinking about how rampant sexual abuse is and how damaging it could be. Since then, it hasn't left my mind. It started with thinking that my sister might have been sexually abused by someone in our family, then, after concluding that she probably hadn't, I started thinking that I might have been abused too. I spend hours laying in bed, paralyzed, trying to uncover any instances where such a thing could have possibly happened. I lose track of time and check for gaps in my childhood memories (which I kinda have, but they happen at times of incredible school related stress such as skipping a grade) or anything that could confirm the thoughts of abuse. Either that or I fall in a vortex of reading about signs of repressed memories, which I have been doing for the past few hours. I have a loving and fairly supportive family, even though my dad and I have a history of nasty and sometimes violent fights. There is nothing in my family history that could suggest I have been abused, but I am so scared that what I'm thinking is true. I don't know who to turn to and it's causing me severe anxiety, to the point where I'm doubting the foundations of my identity.
Could this be OCD ? Is it just anxiety related intrusive thoughts ? Was I abused ?
Thanks in advance for your help. Anything is appreciated.