15 May 2019 - 13:24
This has taken alot of guts to post this and I'm terrified of the answers.
But here it goes...
My childhood was filled with serious sexual harassment and abuse everyday. And by someone close. Thus kinda screwed up my mind for a long time. Even at age 13 and 14 I was still wanting to go along with it and do sexual things with the person who hurt me. I was messed up I guess.
I'm now 27.. I was dignosed with a extreme case of POCD when I was just 14. Pocd is OCD but a fear of being a paedophile.. that is the theme my OCD attactches itself to.
So this also makes things hard.
When I 19 I tried flirting with my nieces friend who was 13 I think at the time and go on a date with her. That was after I realized that you can have platonic relationships and not be sexual but still kiss and cuddle etc. Then when I was 23 I would msg people at my school who were I think younger then me but when I wasn't sure of their age I'd write "we can just be in a platonic romantic relationship but nothing sexual". And was with a few people in that age range when I was 23. Was never sexual. The legal age is 16 here as far as I'm aware.
Now at my age I date anywhere from 17-34 year olds. But I keep thinking I am a disgusting human being and that I need to end my life for what I've done in the past. I feel like a pedo. I feel disgusting...And this is the first time I've spoken out about this due to sheer terror. ... I don't really know what else to say....Am I a pedo?