15 May 2019 - 20:44

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(I know,it s really long,but it very important for me,its describes the worst period of my life,and could also be important for you,could help you,and take some advices)Hello,im 18 years old male who has hocd for 5 months,it all began like 5 months ago,i ll try to maks the story short,so siitting in the bank in school from nowhere it came in my head imagine of two off my collegues kissing each other,or licking eachother,were very few at the begining,2-3 images on week,after 2 weeks,i was masturbating on some porn,before i finished,it just popped into my head,lets whatch some gay porn and reassure thats nothing wrong with that images,unfortunately,i did get aroused,my therapist says that,at that moment was very worst moment i could chose to watch that porn,you know i ve seen a lot of gay scenes before,like in funny videos,or my friends showing me some old colleague being gay or stuff like this but never whatched because i want it or because i was curios,of course,as at everybody else i got a lot of thoughts,next week was going to train mma,and boom i was looking at a good looking guy and i just said omg i m in love with him,wtf,wtf is that,that repeated thoughts,am i gay,how can i know i m not,i ve start seeing a therapist the very next,you would probably say that,it was a good thing,guess what,was the worst therapist i ve ever seen,honestly i was so disperated it was the first one i found on google so..yes,after 1 month i was much worse,because everything she could tell me was that ,my homosexual side was activated and let s see if i can be saved anymore,yes,bullshit i really believede at that time,finally,as you cand think everything was absolutely horrible al the time,especially in the morning,all kind of strange and fake arousals,all kind of thoughts with my friends,random guy,and the most extrem even with my dad..now i m seeing a good therapist,she explained absolutely everything that happened with my body and in my head,and told that arousal was perfectly normal,and the arousal from the thoughts were also normal,of course that doesn t change everything,but she learned to scheudle my thoughts,like when a thoughts it s coming,just say no,we will write down everything tommorow night for one hour,then she learned me how to just observe the thlughts,i mean didnt lear,told me to do that,of course at the begining was very very dificult but after one month let s say i achieved it for 50%,that was good,so,now i m like at 70% achievment of not caring of my thoughts and just observe them,and also the site(moodsmith) will really help you if you don t afford a therapist,will explain every sympthom,why are happening,i m.really recovering right now,it hard,but i stay strong and keep my faith in my instinct and forces,i m up to answering any question,and receiving any fucking advice,if you wanna find out more,just text me,and my advice,don t lose hope,and keep your faith,and ask every fucking thing pls,i really wanna help,i know how hard is..!stay strong !