HOCD turns out I’m gay

22 October 2020 - 22:15

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So I grew of straight and liked a lot of girls but now I’m pretty much gay. I’m more interested in dudes and feel like dating girls would suck and would be a “downgrade”. At first it seemed like ocd but now I have zero distress and anxiety and I feel I fancy a dude more than a girl. Literally feel attracted to fucking asshole jocks from my high school or criminals on television. I’m just attracted to the “bad boys” now and I want their attention. Feels like I’ll only be happy if I come out as gay. I literally feel like I want to have sex with dudes and get penetrated by a guy. I thought ocd was never real and it’s all in your head but I guess not for me. I almost get annoyed when I don’t get these attractions sometimes and get annoyed when I feel like I’m getting better. I react negatively toward straight things. Sick so HOCD has won and I’m just screwed I guess. Life is so amazing and I love it so much...

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23 October 2020 - 22:30

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Can anyone relate?

23 October 2020 - 22:40

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I'm 100% convinced I am gay now

24 October 2020 - 1:53

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Yea same, It feels like I’m  jealous of girls and I want guys. Idk anymore man I’m just screwed. I think the only way out is just simply if this never happened, I don’t even know if I want to get better and be straight anymore. I’ve had this shit for 8+ years and most likely will have it for the rest of my life.

24 October 2020 - 2:16

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I'm most likely gay myself, had this for 5 years and still no sign of "recovery" whatever that means. Girls just don't do it for me either, I'm so desensitized to women now it's like I don't care about them anymore. Who knows why this happens or what the reasoning is.

I've compared my story to many gay men , it's not the same long drawn out process. This is clearly BIG denial, at this point. Oh well want can I do, I can either live as a gay man or just never find love.

24 October 2020 - 9:21

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Does it feel like I don’t want to get better and don’t want to be straight? Before girls and being straight mean everything to me, but now it doesn’t even feel that great, in fact it almost feels disappointing and that being with guy is better. Sometimes I feel like I could move on but I refuse to. For some reason it doesn’t feel right, like moving on just doesn’t feel satisfying. Idk, it’s just a really tough position honestly. I can live my life normally and I’m often quite happy, but this is still stuck in my life and I almost refuse to “get better”.

24 October 2020 - 18:05

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When I mean it doesn’t “feel right”, I’m referring to letting go and going back to being straight. Like I feel I’ve actually pretty much recovered and I could start liking girls again. But I actively stop myself and stubbornly refuse to because how can I just move on after all of these false attractions. It just feels unresolved.

24 October 2020 - 18:35

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I got the same mate, but I think it's just the ocd playing tricks here again.

I have been straight all my life, plenty of male friends and all of the sudden it makes every guy look good.

I think your true heterosexual persona will be back once your brain will be fed up with this obsession.

24 October 2020 - 23:27

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Idk if it is because I don’t really have anymore symptoms. I’m perfectly capable of living my life now and everything seems like it was before. The problem now is that I’m not sure about my desires. I actually react negatively to straight things sometimes. I guess I want to feel a certain way or feel some reassurance to solve these false attractions and then move on, that’s my theory. Idk tho it feels like I’m lying to myself, like I’m making all this stuff up bc I honestly feel like I used to.

25 October 2020 - 0:11

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I feel like a weirdo honestly 

25 October 2020 - 4:20

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I legit don’t know what I want rn. Before I had major anxiety and distress but I knew what I wanted. Now things flipped and I have no anxiety and distress but I’m really confused. I was thinking of just labelling myself asexual. Idk I can’t seem to commit to any sexuality. Man I fucking hate my life.

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