19 February 2020 - 12:36
I have struggled with thoughts about sexual orientation for 6 years. I believed that I was straight but now I know that I am not. I just know it, so I came out as gay to my parents today over the phone. They took it really well (although my mum didn't believe me because of diagnosis) and I felt a huge sense of relief right away because I think I know who I am now. Although I am still ruminating about it, still trying to check things. I just don't believe that it is just OCD and think maybe I was misdiagnosed or maybe the doctor diagnosed wrong based on the information I gave her. The thoughts went away on a lot of medication, and came back when off it, but I think I just wasn't ready to accept myself yet at that time. I used to write a lot of these kind of things to test if it felt right, but this time it's feels very genuine.
That's not to say that everyone will have the same experience as me because I believe people can genuinely be confused over sexual orientation due to OCD but just that this isn't what is going on with me. I was so deep in denial that I genuinely thought I was interested in men when I wasn't.