HOCD *trigger* I came out last night

This post has been thanked 1 time. 19 February 2020 - 12:36

Bry
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I have struggled with thoughts about sexual orientation for 6 years. I believed that I was straight but now I know that I am not. I just know it, so I came out as gay to my parents today over the phone. They took it really well (although my mum didn't believe me because of diagnosis) and I felt a huge sense of relief right away because I think I know who I am now. Although I am still ruminating about it, still trying to check things. I just don't believe that it is just OCD and think maybe I was misdiagnosed or maybe the doctor diagnosed wrong based on the information I gave her. The thoughts went away on a lot of medication, and came back when off it, but I think I just wasn't ready to accept myself yet at that time. I used to write a lot of these kind of things to test if it felt right, but this time it's feels very genuine. 

That's not to say that everyone will have the same experience as me because I believe people can genuinely be confused over sexual orientation due to OCD but just that this isn't what is going on with me. I was so deep in denial that I genuinely thought I was interested in men when I wasn't. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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19 February 2020 - 14:24

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Wow just shows that you can think you are HOCD and actually be Gay this is what I have been saying all along and people have refused to understand to and answer.

people said this isn’t possible but it clearly is?

So what made you think you had OCD then Bry?

 

 

 

 

19 February 2020 - 15:00

Bry
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Well the thoughts about being gay came all of a sudden when I was 17 and they were strange and I fought them for a long time. Because I was so preoccupied with it I went to see a psychologist and they thought it was OCD. They put me on a lot of medication and I forgot for a while. Then I went off medication and relapsed. I kept thinking about it and being triggered, wanting to believe was OCD because of diagnosis but I wasn't getting any better in treatment. Then recently it was like pieces were coming together 'I really am a lesbian' and then sadness and anxiety but I told my family for real. Now I am still processing what this means for me.

19 February 2020 - 15:28

Bry
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Somehow tho it doesn't feel fully resolved but I believe that I am trying to escape back into denial so I am stopping myself. I know that I don't feel anything sexual or romantic for men. So I am not bisexual.

20 February 2020 - 17:22

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Well congrats. I hope you feel better. Usually when you do something to stop anxiety and obsessions you’ll always feel relieved. Hell I have come out to my family, girlfriends, and many other friends as well because I had gotten the thought that “ I would only be happy if I come out because I don’t have OCD” now if you genuinely know and are happy with being lesbian, from what I’ve read that you are a woman and that never in your life have found men attractive and never wanted to be with them but have fully felt attraction to women then yes I will say that you are lesbian and that you never had OCD for your sexuality and it was genuine confusion. However, you must be truthful for yourself and see what is really wrong with you. None of you posts have given a full story about you so I can’t really see where you might be and have a full opinion. But no matter what we think you have. See a professional for what you are going through to help make your suffering easier to cope and help you accept anything.

22 February 2020 - 9:35

Bry
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Thanks for replies, 

I came out two years ago as well but then had different anxious thoughts.I then became afraid that I would have to be very masculine and that I would lose my personality. I think part of my fear stems from just stupid assumptions about what being a lesbian is actually like. But then a lot of anxious thoughts stem from stereotypes or things we have made up. In terms of my feelings I am still processing and seeing someone is always a good idea to help you work out what is really going on so I will look into revisiting my therapist who I haven't seen in a while. 

22 February 2020 - 9:35

Bry
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Thanks for replies, 

I came out two years ago as well but then had different anxious thoughts.I then became afraid that I would have to be very masculine and that I would lose my personality. I think part of my fear stems from just stupid assumptions about what being a lesbian is actually like. But then a lot of anxious thoughts stem from stereotypes or things we have made up. In terms of my feelings I am still processing and seeing someone is always a good idea to help you work out what is really going on so I will look into revisiting my therapist who I haven't seen in a while. 

23 February 2020 - 3:09

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So you have always known you were lesbian?

24 February 2020 - 23:46

Bry
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I didn't always know I was a lesbian. Maybe secretly I knew or something. I have no idea. Even now the label doesn't sit right because I am still processing. It will eventually tho because I feel like I need to get the process of coming out over and done with. I did my parents but am still anxious so I must need to come out to my siblings and friends etc. Before I can feel better about it.

This post has been thanked 1 time. 25 February 2020 - 0:18

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If this is true that you feel you are gay, my only advice when it comes to coming out, is handle it with care. Going into it thinking it's something you need to "get the process of coming out over and done with" will only set you up for failure. Remember you still have anxiety and issues surrounding it. You take it a day at a time. Coming to terms and accepting isn't a rushed or a forced process. 

And throw all of the stereotypes out of the window. You won't need it. Be yourself. Forget labels if it doesn't sit right.

BEST!

25 February 2020 - 4:26

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A Label is something you decide to have. If you aren’t comfortable with having a label then don’t have a label just live your life the way you want to and be happy with it. Please don’t willy nilly and decide to do something drastic because of your thoughts and anxiety because then you’ll regret it(this also goes for those who go through actual OCD symptoms). Be happy with who you are, don’t try to change who you are because then you are not being your true self and will never be happy. As justnat says don’t worry about stereotypes and just be you.

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