20 June 2019 - 22:45
omg I literally feeling so disgusted and angered and frustrated. This started of as HOCD. Compulsions, obsessions etc. now I have no more anxiety or depression and I obsess less Over these thoughts. The compulsions I carry our are pre much to reassure me on forums. I started to hang out with my female friends still have intrusive thoughts around them which stress me a lot. My brain is still telling me that I want to fuck a girl and I would like it. It gives me intrusive thoughts of me having sex with a girl but I don’t want that. I tried to accept it but my brain just told me see u want it. Every single time I wake up the first thought that pops into my head is my brain accusing me of being a lesbian. My attraction to men has completely gone whenever I fantasise about them I don’t feel the happiness and joy and desire as I used to. I want to scream. Whenever these unbearable feelings or thoughts come I slap myself, pinch myself or scratch myself as a way to show my distress. I also grind my teeth a lot. Is this HoCD or am I just crazy and a lesbian in denial? Someone plz respond I would appreciate it .