HOCD I DON’T even know anymore

20 June 2019 - 22:45

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omg I literally feeling so disgusted and angered and frustrated. This started of as HOCD. Compulsions, obsessions etc. now I have no more anxiety or depression and I obsess less Over these thoughts. The compulsions I carry our are pre much to reassure me on forums. I started to hang out with my female friends still have intrusive thoughts around them which stress me a lot. My brain is still telling me that I want to fuck a girl and I would like it. It gives me intrusive thoughts of me having sex with a girl but I don’t want that. I tried to accept it but my brain just told me see u want it. Every single time I wake up the first thought that pops into my head is my brain accusing me of being a lesbian. My attraction to men has completely gone whenever I fantasise about them I don’t feel the happiness and joy and desire as I used to. I want to scream. Whenever these unbearable feelings or thoughts come I slap myself, pinch myself or scratch myself as a way to show my distress. I also grind my teeth a lot. Is this HoCD or am I just crazy and a lesbian in denial? Someone plz respond I would appreciate it .

This post has been thanked 1 time. 21 June 2019 - 6:42

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Hi Alice,

We all have exactly the same thoughts, feelings and sensations. I wake up every morning with some weird feeling that I am gay and want to act on it. Everyone that has HOCD gets this.... stop stressing and try to relax!

Are you in therapy?

This post has been thanked 1 time. 21 June 2019 - 16:26

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If you want to feel better, stop thinking what these thoughts mean and start living. When the thoughts come, just let them go through, without analyzing them. Start doing things you like, start running, hiking, reading, meeting with friends...anything that you like. Dont think about your thoughts, the more you ruminate over the content and semnifications the more the thoughts will come.

Try finding a good OCD therapist and start doing ERP.

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