30 September 2020 - 1:07
Geez, I feel like I’ve posted on here so much today. Anyways, one of my biggest compulsions that used to bring me so much relief was a form of checking I believe. I would imagine myself doing something with a girl and would then feel uncomfortable by the idea and feel reassured that the thoughts were in fact not real. Now that compulsion isn’t necessarily giving me reassurance anymore. My thoughts keep telling me that I’m faking my uncomfortableness, which in turn makes me feel like I’m genuinely faking it, which in turn gives me even more anxiety because oh my god what if I’ve actually liked it all along. Why is this? Why is it that a compulsion that once gave me so much relief is now blowing up in my face? Does it really mean the thoughts are real?