25 August 2018 - 9:55
Yesterday I was walking my dog and was trying a form of acceptance towards my thoughts. When a thought came into my mind about being gay. I instantly replied with ‘Great, I am sure that I will love it’ and this gave me a moments piece then my mind followed up with ‘you would love to give a blow job’ and this coursed me to reply again. However, with this reply I felt odd like my OCD was winning as when I accepted it I had no anxiety. So when I got home I just sat there and slumped on the sofa for the rest of the night as my mind is telling me I would like it and I couldn’t stop thinking about it or stop it. A couple of weeks ago I was sure that I had no interest in preforming sexual acts on men or kissing them but now I am not sure what I want any more. Is this normal? Have I just fell so deep into the rabbit hole that I have started to believe it? Or am I just gay?