HOCD and Groinal Response

9 August 2018 - 8:12

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Hello All, 

 

I need some help I have HOCD have had it off and on for a couple of years, with other forms of Anxiety in the time when HOCD wasn't there one notable thing was Health Anxiety. I want o ask about the groinal response particularly in relation to the viewing/checking of gay porn. I have recently elevated to checking gay porn multiple times a day in order to reassure myself. However, this isn’t working as every time I check I get a slight swelling in my penis accompanied by tingles in my legs where I can’t stand still. I have never achieved a full erection to gay porn which is something but this swelling in my penis still fills me with anxiety and I can’t stop thing about it and that I need to check again. Does this swelling make me gay? Is the fact that something is happening in reaction to the gay porn proof that I am gay? I don’t know what to do any more, I read online and no one seems to mention anything like this everyone just says ‘I wanted gay porn but I didn’t get aroused’. I don’t ever know if it is arousal but it is something and I just want to understand it.

Cheers

9 August 2018 - 15:11

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It is most definitely OCd, as I check my sexuality with gay porn too (which no, it also doesn’t mean you’re gay) and so I’ve heard, porn isn’t any indicator of sexuality.

9 August 2018 - 16:03

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It is not an indicator of sexuality, but of mirror neurons & don't look at it either as its a trigger for some.

13 August 2018 - 9:11

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Hello, 

Thank you both for replying to my post. Unfortunately, I still keep checking by viewing gay porn. The fact that my penis is swelling slightly is my issue, I can’t understand why this is happening. Is it because I am enjoying it? Is it because it is porn? I have read loads of posts online and everyone just says I didn’t get aroused by it when I checked. But here I am watching it and somethings is happening the swelling is making me doubt everything and that it is even OCD and not just me having a realisation.

Cheers

14 August 2018 - 2:56

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Hocd was probably one the first thing I went through in the beginning of this whole OCD thing.. personally I was very young when it happened which scared me because I knew I wasn’t gay .. so I didn’t understand why I got these thoughts ... from what I remeber when a thought entered my mind about this I just faced it (because I knew that it wasn’t wrong to be gay and my family would accept it if I was) and slowly but surely it totally went away... but it’s a lot worse (for me) with harm ocd... there’s like no explaining I can use to make the thoughts “okay”. But I know that is what works because it did when I was younger... Oh, and your private parts probably does that thing because you’re checking if it reacts to what you’re watching. For example whenever I watch gay people kiss for example I get the same feeling as you, not because I’m gay.. but because it’s natural for a human being to feel that way (especially if you’re watching porn) 

 

14 August 2018 - 3:11

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As I said it's your mirror neurons. Like if you see someone yawn you do too but you're not sleepy.

14 August 2018 - 16:43

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Hey there, you have to realize that groinal responses mean nothing. You can look at a chair trying to not get an erection and you would feel something. In order to recover from OCD, you have to stop the compulsions such as testing, checking gay porn etc. When OCD tells you to check, tell yourself I chose not to check and relax yourself. The fact that OCD is bothering you about this is because you are worried about it.  Biologically, porn does not define your sexuality, it rather is a fantasy. I can enjoy killing Nazis in Call of Duty, but does it mean I am actually going to go out and kill people? Nope.

15 August 2018 - 8:23

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Hello, 

 

thank you all for replying. I understand what I need to do in fact when I had HOCD in around 2011/2012 I did that without knowing it was OCD I just gave up on the thoughts. Then over time they slowly went away as I wasn't giving them any power. Over course during the next couple of years I suffered from Health Anxiety and fear of failure that were just as bad at the time as HOCD. However, I guess I am having a HOCD relapse which is using my past experience of HOCD against me as why would an individual have HOCD multiple times? I know what I need to do I am just failing on doing so at ever single corner. My groin is going crazy I see a man and bang groinal response, it is madding and a form of proof to me. Then I start to go over my past life and the fact that I have had this fear before and once got an erection when watching wresting when I was about 11 that terrified me and in my my it all adds up to one thing and its killing me, I don't want to loose my partner I love her so much. I also thought hay I could just be Bi as that way I don't need to engage in any gay sexual activities just continue to enjoy my current relationships but my mind goes its all or nothing. Sorry for ranting it just need to come out today as I am not having a good time what so ever. I am currently in the process of reading self help books, booking therapy and getting medication. 

 

Cheers

17 August 2018 - 8:18

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Anyone?

17 August 2018 - 17:13

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"
I have recently elevated to checking gay porn multiple times a day in order to reassure myself. However, this isn’t working
"

Of course it will not work you are doing compulsions it will actually make your OCD worse. Reassureance seeking should be avoided like a plague, management of HOCD is not expecting to get rid of groinal response completely , but to learn not to care even if you have groinal responses and not constantly trying to make sure if you are homosexual or not.

23 August 2018 - 19:39

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Hello again, I was doing okay for a couple of days but have had a lot of groinal responses today and when I got home I needed to check and this time my arousal was more than normal. Instead of the usual slight swelling I got a tingly feeling and a semi. I don’t know why I did it, I was doing well but no I am scared that has confirmed that I am gay even though it wasn’t a full erection it was something and that’s just hurt me.

Please help me!