HOCD and Checking (Advice desperately needed)

14 September 2018 - 20:50

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Hello again, 

I was hoping that someone could help me with some reasurance (I know its bad, but I am currently struggling really bad) I have started to google 'Attractive men' to see if I am sexually attracted to them. I dont get an erection, I do get anxious about the idea of finding them attractive and then when I am looking at them I notice that they are attractive and have good bodies. I am very confused does this mean that I am gay? Is it normal for a man to notice that other men are good looking and have good bodies? I just don't know anymore. I did read that 'it is normal for people to have some attraction to the same sex' I don't think this is romantic or sexual just apprcaition but with my OCD I have no idea anymore. I have the habbit of checking gay porn and that doesnt really do much for me I once achieved a semi but that was my own fault. I am just really scared that this means something. Any help / advice is appriacted. 

15 September 2018 - 5:16

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hey there!

noticing other men are attractive is totally normal!  finding the same sex attractive is normal as well - it's often why so many men list male celebrities as "body inspiration" or something like that.  people are a lot like paintings - no matter what gender, attraction, or preference, you can always notice a good looking person.

my best advice for you, though, is to definitely stop checking gay porn.  you are actually training your body to feel physical attraction - your ocd is saying that an attraction should occur, and so your body is trying to do what it thinks your brain is saying. if the concept or thought makes you anxious, you aren't gay. hope that helps!

15 September 2018 - 13:11

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Hello and thank you for the reply, 

It is really hard to not look into everything to much with this. I relapsed recently after being HOCD free for 3 years (Besides the odd lapse of course and the fact that I suffered with other OCD themes) I just am a little sick of noticing every single man I walk past, I have no idea if he is attractive but my mind tells me he is and that I like it, it is a very confusing time with HOCD. I understand what you say and I do try to stop watching all porn as it dosent help me, nor does it really do anything for me. I just think its a mixer of overthinking, shinning a spot light on things and being far to stuck in my head. 

Thanks again, any more advice is welcome!

15 September 2018 - 15:22

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I have the same problem. I consider it something good that I find almost every guy attractive, because that shows how fucked up this is. If I was gay I guess I would've been more picky and not have the same feelings for everyone, no matter how they look. I also think you're right about what you wrote in the last sentence; I think there's an OCD version of HOCD (freaking out over things that is illogical which they see as a proof of being gay) and one version where overanalyzing, self image, not feeling manly, not being used to communicate with real men (like me, who grew up among women), hard time getting girls to like you/ get friendzoned, being sensitive, shy and introvert, finding macho behavior too primale, and so on, which really mix things up. And if you add porn and a misgynist view through the years on top of that, things get really out of hand.

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