HOCD “You’ll like it once you accept it.”

29 September 2020 - 21:52

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My brain keeps turning my disgusted reactions to the thoughts and saying “You’re over exaggerating your hatred for it. You’ll like it once you accept it.” I don’t even anymore. Is this a common thing or no, I’m so scared.

29 September 2020 - 22:26

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For someone who suffers from POCD, I've been getting these same thoughts, it is so terrifying!

What puts me in more difficult position is that I still remember the time I was in denial about my sexuality (I'm gay btw) when I was 12-13 because I used to see gay men as Weirdos and I didn't want to be associated with them. However, I have always had sexual fantasies with men and have always enjoyed them! Eventhough I kept telling my mum I would never act on my sexuality because I was worried about contracting aids and getting brutally attacked by a homophobic gang.

But here's the difference between what you're going through (HOCD) and me being in denial about my sexuality: you're worried that you're gonna like it in the future and that scares you like proper because your OCD is good at being an intimidating b****. me on the other hand; eventhough I said so many times when I was 12 I said I will never act on it, I knew from the beginning that that's not gonna make me happy and I even kept saying that I didn't care about my happiness (well, that's what I thought), when deep down; I just wanted to act on it without getting stigmatized or labelled as 'gay', but now; I am more accepting of my sexuality and have realised that it makes me so happy coming out of my shell.

I can try and reassure you that that's not going to be you in the future, because if you did act on your thoughts because your OCD dared you to, you're not going to be happy! You're just doing what you think it's right for you instead of doing what you feel deep down that is right for you. The same way if I act on my POCD thoughts, that's not gonna make me happy... that's just me doing what OCD dared me to do and I know I will feel like a complete living s*** for doing so!

If you really are changing your sexual attraction naturally (sexually fluid/abrosexual) you will feel no shame, disgust or moral empathy!

So just try not to seek reassurance constantly and try contacting your GP suspecting you might be having symptoms of OCD and that you want to find a place where you can find CBT and practice ERP (yes it may be more difficult to find due to Covid but it doesn't mean it's not possible!)

Good Luck!

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