5 August 2014 - 9:16
So I have harm OCD, and am on newish medication. I just woke up in the middle of the night feeling panicky, and I was agonizing over whether or not "I thought about hurting someone before waking up, and if by waking up in that moment and moving I started to act on my thoughts." Then I felt this overwhelming disconnect from my body. Like, I felt like I wasn't inside myself. This made me freak out over whether or not I was in control of my body, and I became terrified that I'd go hurt a family member. I kept feeling these moments where my body tensed and I didn't feel in control. Was that me starting to act on something? Have I done something wrong? I'm afraid to go back to sleep, because I'm afraid I'll wake up not in control and hurt someone. I never felt so disconnected from my body like that before. I just freaked my mother out by telling her "I feel disconnected from my body. What if I hurt someone" and she said it's my medication doing this so me. That's possible. But what I keep agonizing over are those moments where I felt like I wasn't in control and tensed up. Was that my imagination playing tricks on me, or was I starting to act on my fears? Please help! I'm so freaked out, and I refuse to go back to bed even though it's 4:16am where I am.