27 September 2019 - 17:55
Ive recently relapsed into thinking my OCD thoughts mainly because of a feeling of guilt...I managed to figure out that the event I was worrying about so obsessively was ambiguous and that I will never know, so I might as well carry on, but now my feelings have changed.
I suddenly cant bare the POSSIBILITY that what I did was wrong, and I am heading back to square one. I feel like I dont deserve to carry on...How do I get past this? I can comfort myself with the ambiguous thing, but suddenly my brain tells me that even the ambiguity of the situation means that I dont deserve to live. I dont deserve to be happy, I dont deserve to relax, I dont deserve anything. How can people live with the guilt that they could have done something awful? I just cant understand.