2 July 2019 - 12:05
I was obsessing about groinal responses. One day when my main obsession was about having groial responses I had an intrusive thought about wishing bad to my loved one and I clearly remember I was thinking “oh, no I am going to worry about groinal responses while having these intrusive wishes” Guess what I was in full blown anxiety and checked groinal repsonses even if my new obsession was not sexual. I feel like a monster for checking groinal responses because this obsession is not even sexual.
My main problem now is that I have terribble “wishes” like “I wish” or “I hope” or they start even worse. They are about my loved ones.
I really really do not want these thoughts and I am terrified that they will come true.
I get terrible pop up thoughts while walking somewhere like I get a terribble pop up wish, like I wish something terribble would happen there where I am walking or travelling.
I asked for help from my partner. He just wanted to help me when he said “you haven’t rubbed Aladdin’s lamp” and now I am terrified that I will have a terribble intrusive wish after the thought of rubbing Aladdin’s lamp.
So thinking about Aladdin’s lamp before a terrible “wish” won’t come true, right? I can not calm myself down, I am so worried that my loved ones could die because of my thoughts. I heard about thought action fusion but these are “wishes” and I can barely find anything about intrusive wishes. I can not think about them as simply thoughts, I am too scared. I can not cause accidents at certain places right? Am I right about the groinal response thing? Like I was thinking “oh no i am going to have them, great” and checked if I had them so I made myself have them? The more you check the more you feel. Why did I have it in the first place?! I can’t clearly remember if I had it maybe I just mixed the two obsessions together? Or what if I had a groinal response, otherwise I wouldn’t be here obsessing about it. Is it normal to feel like having a groinal response after a non-sexual obsession?
I am scared I am going crazy and this is too much to say “it’s just OCD”