6 January 2018 - 0:27
Firstly. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Secondly. I would appreciate any of your opinions or advice.
I have been suffering from an unusual problem since (that I can recall at least) around the age of nine. It's hard to articulate what I experience, mostly because I don't precisely know what it is, although I categorise it as intrusive thoughts. I will try my best to explain
So essentially I imagine (as does everyone) certain situations or scinarious in my head. However when I imagine these ideas, situations or scinarious I imagine them taking place at an accelerated rate of speed. Almost like old black and white films from the early 1900s, or similar to time lapse videos. I can imagine or obsess over songs, theme tunes, scenarios I am in, or even random images - for example a boy riding his bike. Except I will imagine these taking place very very fast.
I will try to distract myself when they overwhealm me by watching TV, looking on the internet or writing on a fourm such as this. However that only offers a brief relief, with very little else helping me to overcome it. Eventually it will pass over and become less severe, and afterwards proving to be of little hindrance to my life.
It can last moments, hours, days, weeks and sometimes months (at least 5 times) and it usually happens unexpectedly. I tend to be able to think about nothing other than these fast thoughts, which causes me excessive anxiety. Lack of sleep, lack of concentration and motivation. It can cause me to feel (odd ocassions be) sick etc.
I have a supportive girlfriend but it's hard for anyone to truly understand. I had counselling around the age of fifteen, which did very little to help if I'm being honest. I know it's a weird problem, and I can distinguish the thoughts from reality, yet it still causes me such Anxiety, depression and darkness. The last word was perhaps a little bleak.
I was hit by a car when I was younger and saw a plane crash around a similar time. I believe this started the thoughts but I no longer have any fear around either vehicle. I frequently visit airshows, travel by planes and drive a car. So essentially just my own obsessive thoughts cause me so much distress. Although my last really bad "attack" that lasted several months was at the end of 2015.
My apologies if I have rambled. I would love to hear your thoughts.