20 June 2019 - 23:43
Hello everyone, I suffer really bad with pocd and have been for the past 3 months. There's been some highs and some really horrible lows but I'm really stuck on something. I can't tell when I have a attraction to someone or I'm just appreciating their beauty and that's it..
Like an hour ago I had a sexual fantasy with a guy my age and it felt so great and I felt amazing again. And my attraction to guys my age and older felt really nice as it all came back. But then straight after i was watching a tv show and I saw a young one who looked about 13/14 in school uniform and I freaked out. I couldn't tell if I found him just good looking and that's it or there was some sort of attraction. I started to slowly freak out and then I saw another person around the same age on youtube and it all spiraled out of control again...
The thing is is that when i have attraction to guys my age or older it feels pleasing and makes me happy and I know its what I want yet the moment I see a young one it feels wrong and disgusting yet it feels more real and I get really upset and my attraction to guys literally just dies out immediately and it's only focused on this one person so it's like my ocd is trying to take over my entire mind and body for something i REALLY DON'T WANT.
Anyone else with pocd or hocd get this in general? And any tips on how to get better? Thanks