26 October 2015 - 15:17
Hey guys. Forgive me if this message is too long. I would just love your opinion on my problem.I have suffered and still do suffer from what I believe to be a specific and personal form of intrusive thoughts. Whilst on a forum and with little time I cannot explain/express my problem as much I would like, I will try to give a brief overview. I am currently 21 years old and live across the pond in southern England. I have a comfy part time role, girlfriend of six years and live with my family of four. However throughout my life I have been plagued with stints of constant unwanted or obsessional thoughts each related to speed or things travelling fast. Around the age of 9 or 10 I experienced a collision with a car in which I was hit but luckily only bruised. In later months I had constant unwanted thoughts in which I would imagine cars flying from their parked spaces and hurtling towards me. These thoughts (especially at a young age) caused me much stress and anxiety. I could focus on little else and would be sceptical of cars and avoid them if possible. Around the same time I witnessed a plane crash at a local show and at the time it was distressing. Soon however my worry and thoughts returned to normal and I became my usual bubbly self again.
It was years later perhaps during a tedious car journey I had another attack. A song 'Mad World' by Gary Jules came on the radio, a song I used to enjoy but this time it alarmed me because of its pace and speed. The song I presume was a fast version or remix and I remember the speed alarmed me and made me feel out of control causing a high level of anxiety. For weeks I couldn't get the song out of my head. I couldn't physically hear it but I couldn't stop thinking about it and how quick and out of control it was. The song (whilst not such an obsession now) still makes me anxious and I'll avoid it if possible as daft as I know that sounds. Whilst the thoughts usually pass in time I wouldn't say there was always a trigger. They can last days, weeks or months.Whilst each periodic attack differs in its content or image it is always about the same thing. Speed. It can be a tune or song, even an image, like a sped up film. And occasionally the idea that where I am is travelling a severe speeds. I know of course that these 'thoughts' are just that, thoughts and nothing more they for some unknown reason cause me to loose concentration and focus. They cause anxiety and restlessness and also to a certain degree depression. Usually I am not an anxious person but chatty and optimistic. Yet these thoughts turn me in to a quiet, scared and pessimistic person. I will try to suppress the thoughts by thinking images that either distract or comfort me. I will avoid certain things that may trigger an image or thought process i.e a theme tune or fast moving visual image. The thoughts scare me but as to why I do not know. It's only a thoughts and not real but the concept is hard to shake. This ideas of things going fast does terrify me and I did believe perhaps both experiences with the car crash and plane crash were the root of the problem (both are fast) the idea/thought of them does not concern me now I'm older however. I have been fine or with little problems for over 18 months and have felt great, yet it (as usual) pops up unexpectedly and with severity making me feel out of control once again. It's sadly been on and off for the past two months now. I know none of this is usual for Intrusive Thoughts but it's the only thing to have come close. I would just love anyones opinion.
Kind Regards thatUKguy