Convinced that I am

10 June 2019 - 20:56

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I try my best to not post as much to avoid gaining reassurance but at this point I’ve dug myself too deep into something to where it feels like I enjoy it. The symptoms have gotten worse and worse for the past couple of months and I just feel like I am gay. I have thoughts where my mind would constantly think about friends of mine for the whole day and I don’t purposely want to think about these people, my mind just tried to plug them in everything I do and it’s so annoying. When ever I masturbate to men (gay porn or not) my mind tells me I enjoy it and I would tell myself I do and then it feels like I do but I then get this weird nauseas feeling as well. When getting to the climax of it thoughts of men pop right up. But for me to be able to get to that point women are the only one that can get me going. So ever since then I started to force myself to think about men because of how convinced I am. I keep telling myself that I am Gay and that’s okay for months already and I still obsess about it. My family and friends who I told about this have said that if I was gay then they would accept me no matter what but i still obsess about it so I don’t even know what is going on with me anymore. I get thoughts of tell others I’m gay or I guess to “come out” in which I get scared. Before this I was able to see a good looking man acknowledge it and move on but now if any dude pops up then my mind would say that I’m attracted to them and then I get this weird feeling. I get thoughts of the future and I always wanted s wife and two kids but after this has started I can’t seem to think about that at all anymore. I know people are usually busy and can’t reply as often but whenever someone can please. I’ve done a lot to prove my sexuality but no matter what I do it just doesn’t work and as much as I tell myself that I am gay, the next day I still suffer and I’m just tired of it all...

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10 June 2019 - 22:10

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Well nvm, I am definitely gay, I feel like I am in love with my friends and one of them is gay because they can seem to leave my mind no matter what I do, I’m am in denial definitely. It feels like I enjoy the thoughts so then I proceed to imagine myself in gay scenarios, and kissing these certain people and I get these weird feelings and start to gag all over the place. 

 

10 June 2019 - 22:12

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Hi Thenanabuddy,

I am in a similar position - one minute I feel like I am lesbian, another minute this looks somehow fake, and it's all day long like this in recent days. Yesterday I was very annoyed and sad, today, although still anxious, I am even slightly amused by the craziness of this situation.
I have a very similar feeling - I always wanted a man and kids, and now it looks like I can't imagine such a life anymore.
I am so often convinced I am lesbian, and I see you are often convinced you are gay. However, I sent a private message to one guy who is gay on this forum and he said that although he is not a psychology professional, he thinks I am suffering from OCD as I am desperately searching for answers on forum and internet and he is doing exactly the same regarding his own OCD. I think you are doing the same - constantly and desperately searching for answers online so it's most likely you just suffer from OCD too.

10 June 2019 - 22:36

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It’s just so hard... every time something happens I panic and stray to ruminate and I hate it sooo damn much... 

10 June 2019 - 23:16

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who is the gay person you have been speaking with?

11 June 2019 - 7:06

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Hi Thenanabuddy,

I know it's hard as I am in the same boat myself. We all are tired, confused, we don't know our feelings are real or not. Look, before you say you are gay, see this. I read so many posts on this forum from people who don't know if they are suffering from HOCD or they are in denial and there are some common things I noticed. 1. Basically none of them questioned their sexuality in teenage years, all assumed they were straight. On the contrary, majority of gay people realize they are homosexual or at least start questioning in their teenage years. 2. All people had crushes on the opposite sex in the past. On the contrary, quite many gay people say they were not interested in the opposite sex from the beginning. 3. All these people are anxious, sad and in panic. 5. All these people are desperately googling and going to forums to find out what's going on with them. 4. Many of them have had some other forms of OCD in the past. Considering this all, it's most likely that you are not gay.

This post has been thanked 1 time. 11 June 2019 - 7:59

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Hi Blade118,

Sorry, I don't want to tell you to whom I wrote since it was a private conversation. Check (or google) some other posts on this forum - there are quite many homosexual people writing posts and comments there. I've also seen several older posts from homosexual people with Heterosexual OCD. Please write to them, majority of people on this forum are friendly and reply.

12 June 2019 - 0:48

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Hei buddy,i don t think you are gay,actually i m sure,why?have you ever been sad when you liked a girl?don t think so.what you feel its called false attraction,the arousal,it s normal,it s sex,you will start to make a habbit by being aroused by guys by rehearsing this,i know where your brain goes now,maybe i made myself a habbit of getting aroused by girls,no,because you didn t felt guilty,ashamed and so on.The very simple fact that you feel anxiety,it s your subconscious mind that tells you, you don t like that stuff,and guess what,after you will read this message next day you will feel better because you now know it s not true,until you feel some of the old feelings,like imagine that you like a guy,so you ll panic and again think you are gay,and guess what this thing will repeat over and over again,so one of the first step is to realise is not even 1% true

12 June 2019 - 1:40

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I'm gay. I can reassure you (which isn't the best for your ocd) that I didn't fear that I was gay. I always enjoyed my crushes, I knew since I was 12 i fancied guys my age. I understand how anxiety can make you question as I'm suffering from pocd and omg it feels so bloody real. It's really terrifying me and I want it to stop too. I can't seem to get aroused or feel happy seeing my crushes anymore which is even more terrifying. I have hope though that this will go away soon .

Sorry if this sounds rude but I was just wondering. Do people with hocd look down on gay people? It's been getting me down recently as my biggest fear is people always looking down on me and thinking they're better.

12 June 2019 - 14:29

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I’m still pooped...

Of course, I have read and heard a lot of come out stories to see if I can relate to them and I have seen a lot of people write how they found out later in life that they were gay and others by sexual fluidity. am I like them? I heard of latent homosexuality and idk if I’m that. I’m just so confused and just want this to end

12 June 2019 - 21:55

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These thoughts are driving me insane...

I keep getting thoughts and urges to tell my family and pretty much everyone that I am gay and it feels so real. I’m gay there’s no other way. I keep reading that the difference between HOCD and Sexual identity crisis is that the bought for coming out are an indication of the difference.

And I have to be gay, I must be if I’m having these thoughts and anxiety...

 

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