Compulsively Googling

This post has been thanked 1 time. 24 August 2016 - 9:14

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Hey guys, I'm in need of some advice. Though I haven't been formally diagnosed with OCD, my therapist has acknowledged that I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I constantly doubt everything I do and everything I think. My intrusive thoughts involve harm and they give the worst anxiety I've ever had. I told myself I must be an insane person or going insane because no normal person would have these thoughts. This all started in my freshman year or college. I had to leave school because of my anxiety. For the longest time I would spend hours every day googling and researching to see if I'm normal or not and I can't stop googling to reassure myself. Once I find something letting me feel assured, I feel fine, and then I go back googling. On average I'd say over three hours a day reassuring, and every other minute worrying and doubting.

I google "what's a sociopath", schizophrenia, or what can make people go crazy and it makes me so scared. I know that I'm a good person because I really do care about people. If it's possible to have to much empathy then I just might. That's why this stuff gives me so much anxiety. I spend over an hour and a half lying in bed before I can fall asleep and I've been like that since I was a little kid. Sometimes it takes me over half an hour to get up because my thoughts make me anxious. For a while I avoided watching violent movies and tv shows even though I love love love film. I'm also afraid of accidentally selling my soul or being immoral (if that makes sense) even though I don't really believe in religion (I'm Jewish not that it really matters). But it' only because I read it online. 

I'm looking for advice on strategies to get prevent myself from googling because it only helps to reaffirm my obsessions and the cycle continues. I'm on 25 mg of Zoloft right now and It's been helpful to some degree. I'm not having as many intrusive thoughts anymore but I'm still ruminating a whole lot though. How do I stop going to google? I can't stop watching interviews of crazy people and murders because I want to prove to myself I'm not going to be one in the future. Even though I really am a good person and this is all causing me excessive anxiety and depression. Please help!!!! 

24 August 2016 - 19:01

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@spidy thanks! I will do anything and everything to get my mind off of my thoughts. Like I have an impulse to just google scary pictures if I hear about something gory because it's like I want to prove to myself I find it disturbing? And lo and behold I'm disturbed by everything. And then I'll google symptoms and tell myself I'm nuts, and then I'll find an article letting me be at ease, and then I get the impulse to google again. I don't have contamination OCD but I just cleaned most of my house because it got my mind off of these thoughts and away from google. I'm considering hiding my phone and computer. Is this all a part of OCD? Like I tell myself that since I read about OCD that's the only reason I think I have it, even though I've felt like this since I was a child, I just didn't know what it was. So then I doubt I have OCD and I go to google to reassure myself if I do. And then I get scared I might google things I don't want to google and get disturbed and it's just one big vicious never-ending cycle. Is this all a part of OCD? Or am I losing it? See I'm seeking the reassurance again but I'd rather ask then have disturbing thoughts. 

 

Does anyone else seem to find all this familiar or am I crazy

25 August 2016 - 0:58

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Anyone else have any solutions or strategies? Much obliged

 

25 August 2016 - 5:07

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Anyone out there? Today has been the most hellish day in weeks

This post has been thanked 1 time. 25 August 2016 - 18:28

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I've gone through some extreme googling periods. Health wise though. I'll diagnose myself then undiagnose myself back and forth for weeks if not months in a circle of damn hell. Sometimes crying over what I think I have.

26 August 2016 - 0:00

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Exactly what I do too

26 August 2016 - 0:45

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Eventually i get caught up in the cycle of something else and just start over. Its tiring.

26 August 2016 - 3:50

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But how can I really be sure it's OCD? Since I was little I've always felt the need to touch things twice if I need to. Like if I'm walking and I accidentally brush my right hand on the wall, I immediately need to do the same with my left hand. Same situation for if I touch something with a finger or a foot or really any part. Like if I scratch my right side of my head with my fingers, I must do the same for the other side with the symmetrical respective fingers. But on top of that I also have Pure O. I've seriously never been diagnosed with OCD at all but everything I read online points to me having it. Like you said, I'll diagnose myself one minute then next I'll look for reasons to un-diagnose myself. It's a never ending cycle of hell. Whenever I suggest to my doctor I have OCD I feel like he doubts me or tries to find other reasons for what I'm going through. He's a great doctor but I don't need another person doubting me since I already do it to myself. Sorry for keeping on replying. I just have so much to ask and have so much I'm feeling. 

26 August 2016 - 5:50

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I honestly dont know how to tell you if its ocd. I havent been diagnosed myself. I have had hell for 3 years now. Starting with thoughts of god destroying me eternally, to cancer of the brain and colon, to paranioa of someone calling the cops on me cause i gave a random person a ride and maybe i did something to them. To my latest of hit and run which is the reason i came to this site. My last hit and run ocd has been hell. If you read my post youll think im crazy.

5 September 2017 - 9:22

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Hi Adam, Hope you are doing well now! I have been feeling the same way from past few months. This has put me into a lot of stress. Can you please let me know the medications and strategies you used to cope this situation?

16 May 2019 - 9:34

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This really struck a chord with me - the endless cycle of finding all the similarities in diagnoses and doubting and repeatedly researching to find all the arguments against etc. I’m wondering if you ever found a solution or actually pursued a diagnosis?