28 November 2014 - 17:24
However hard I tell myself my worries/ thoughts/ false memories are ridiculous. I can't help but feel this horrible guilt. I have decided to order the brain lock book in the hope this will help me. I decided to come off my medication seroxat also as I want to face this head. However so far it has been a real struggle. Every time I look at the posts on here I can clearly see that everyone is suffering. However I just think I am this horrible person who has acted completely out of character. I think I first noticed something wasn't quite right when the first job of the day at work was to check the travel news to make sure I hadn't caused an accident or hit someone. I have checked up and down streets numerous times to check for bodies and under my car once when I was convinced I had ran someone over when I hit the curb and dragged them home. These thoughts seem to have subsided only to replaced by much more sinister upsetting thoughts/false memories. Each time I go over a thought I feel like it is more and more true. Is this common? I can't think of much else. And when I start to feel ok I think I shouldn't because I have this hanging over me . I just feel at a complete loss. I finally have found the most amazing partner in my life who wants to spend his life we me but I feel I don't deserve him after what my thoughts/false memory tell me. I hope it's false anyway. As I couldn't live with myself if it wasn't. Anyway I'm sorry for the long post I just feel so lost. Thank you.