23 January 2020 - 1:30
I know that in order to become relaxed with sensorimotor OCD (breathing) you must simply breathe how you would normally and not try to change it or get the "right breath", but I've become so obsessed with breathing that I don't even know what a "normal breath" is and the only time I'm not aware of it is when I'm sleeping. I know I should simply breathe and not worry about how shallow or deep the breath is or if I'm breathing with my chest or belly. But I still think of it incessantly and this has been going on for nearly a year. I also struggle with anxiety so I try and make myself take slow belly breaths but then I feel like that reinforces my breathing obsession because I need to rely on it to relax if that makes sense. Having a constant awareness of my breath gives me a sense of control and distraction from my anxiety, but not in a way that is healthy. I have grown so exhausted of this and I feel like it's getting in the way of completely enjoying my life and I'm simply functioning rather than living in the moment.