27 October 2016 - 5:27
This is my first time writing here and I'm a bit nervous. Well terrified actually. So basically I need some advice maybe some words of wisdom from people who have been through this before. I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I suspect I have it. Even if it's not OCD I know something is wrong and I really want help. I think if I do not have OCD then I have another mental illness that is similar. Anyways It's gotten really bad and I really want to seek help but I have this thought that if I speak up and tell people then people I love will die or I will die and it is so awful I am paralyzed. I spent all spring semester in therapy and I completely ignored these problems (thank goodness for free therapy through university) I just talked about Generalalized anxiety that most students most likely feel. I feel awful about myself like I wasted my counsellors time and took time from people that needed help. It's like I want to tell them so badly and the words are in my mouth I just can't say them!! Even if I do not have OCD I just figured maybe some of you have gone through similar things? It seems like this is a common intrusive thought (the people you love dying not necessarily speaking out I am not sure about that part) for people with OCD so I figured maybe someone here could at least help me in feeling not so alone. How have you gotten over these intense fears?? I know with therapy but I can't get over them enough to go. I feel like just posting this is breaking down a lot of barriers for me because even here Im having so many thoughts that ill accidentally post this on social media and everyone will know and then bad things will reallllyy happen. I want help so badly but I am so scared to cause harm and then I have doubts that anything is even wrong when clearly something is up. I know there isn't any phrase that could send me the courage to speak up but just knowing I'm not alone in these thoughts feels incredibly valuable.
Sorry for all the typos I am using a touch screen device it is very challenging to type.