Rumination Regret

This post has been thanked 2 times. 10 December 2011 - 21:39

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Dear all,

I've just signed up onto this forum and great to see there's so much support out there from one ocd 'comrade' to another!

So onto my question/discussion: I have had 'Pure-O' for about 16 years now where most of my checking and neutralising occurs internally (sometimes its externally but normally its in the mind). One problem this causes (amongst many others) is this: I get a 'spike'; engage my thoughts on the spike; get stressed about it; and eventually feel 'better' again. After this,I then tend to spend a lot more time ruminating about the fact I have just 'ruined' that part of my day because I was engaging in an intrusive thought. My thought pattern in this instance goes like this: 'because i just got so agitated about that thought i've ruined my weekend/day'....I then have to 'neutralise' that new thought by convincing myself that I haven't ruined my day/weekend! I had a spike this morning (that I might have offended a work colleague yesterday) while I was chatting to my girlfriend and kind of 'switched off' to what she was saying for about 10 mins (because of the spike). I have since spent the rest of today (on and off) ruminating that the fact I engaged with the spike this morning has ruined my weekend because I have let get in the way of my day to day activity. I am also very fretful because once again, I have not been able to achieve a whole weekend without engaging with my intrusive thoughts. I often get this feeling during any time I have been looking forward to (e.g. a weekend; a holiday; a night out etc). The paradox is that I am ruminating on ruining my weekend so much that it is starting to ruin my weekend! I have had this aspect of my ocd for years.

Please shoot from the hip and tell me if any of you guys have this same type of issue with your ocd?

I feel like ocd has 'spoilt' so many moments in my life which should have been enjoyable..

Any thoughts or advice would be welcome......

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10 December 2011 - 22:01

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Hi northlondon, welcome to the forums... I do have similar, in that I notice days going by hardly noticed... The weeks go by unbelievably quickly... It seems only a day ago it was last Monday... I try to see that I've achieved some things in that time since then, I have I know, but it all seems to be going by at a hell of a pace though... wannabe

11 December 2011 - 7:48

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Hi North,

Welcome to the forums

I kind of understand what you mean, but could it be that you're ruminating of the thought, and the emotion that you get from that makes your day feel worse? Don't worry I probably got it wrong

I normally get one spike, have a thought, goes after a while, forget about it, then get another one. I can't remember what spikes I had the other day really. But they do me anxious at the time.

Stick around these forums and you should find some really good advice

Jon

11 December 2011 - 10:42

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Hi northlondon I don't have your particular form of OCD but what you describe sounds like classic OCD and just a variation on a theme. We are all individual but we all suffer from the same basic problem, OCD will undermine our confidence, make us look inwards, make us worry excessively about things which either haven't happened, which we have totally misinterpreted or which are very trivial in the big scheme of things - and the more we ruminate and worry the more we will entrap ourselves into a vicious circle of anxiety and unhappiness. There is no easy way out, it involves changing the way we react to situations and our thinking patterns and this is very hard to achieve on ones own. I'm wondering if you have had any therapy, if not then I would recommend you look in the support and info section of this website which tells you the treatments available and the NICE guidelines which you can find under Professionls will tell you your entitlements under the NHS. There are lots of good self help books you can buy and if you stick with this forum you will learn how others cope with their problems.

11 December 2011 - 20:00

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Hi Jon, Hi Tess, what you have written rings true for me too... OCD really undermines me and I find myself struggling... It can take away hope, but after a period of time the hope comes back again, and we can carry on with life... It is making a lemonade from a lemon, turning it all around and allowing commonsense to prevail This website and all you lovely people on it, have been an absolute lifesaver for me... thank you ever so much... wannabe

12 December 2011 - 10:37

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Who you calling a lemon wannabe???

12 December 2011 - 10:41

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Hi NorthLondon,

yup, that all sounds very familiar to me.

I have attached a link to a document that you might find useful:

http://www.ocduk.org/sites/default/files/understand-pure-o.pdf.pdf

This document (all about so-called "Pure O") was prepared by an OCD sufferer, and is on the OCD UK website.

From what I have learned about OCD, I now understand that I was driving my own OCD. By doing all the things that we naturally think will "help" us, we actually keep the OCD in place, and actually make it worse over time. So when we ruminate endlessly, we are trying to find a solution to our problems. But in fact, the ruminating is what keeps the obsessions in place, and the ruminating is one of the compulsions that makes the OCD get worse and worse and worse.

At the OCD Action conference in November, David Veale was asked if there's any "magic trick" involved in getting rid of OCD. He shook his head, and said, "No, no magic."

There are no magic tricks...but I think that CBT, and anti-depressants, do contain a little bit of magic. They have worked like magic for me, anyway. (But as my therapist said a million times, it's the OCD patient that does all the work. It's not the therapist, or the CBT, or the medication -- it's the OCD patient who treats himself, with the therapist's help.)

"CBT is not just for Xmas -- it's for life!"

12 December 2011 - 20:54

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Hi Tess, ops: I wasn't referring to anyone as a lemon, What I was misquoting (Badly!) was That if life hands you a lemon, make a lemonade with it... I think it was Dale Carnegie who said it in one of his books... Sorry for any confusion there, but it is good that we can laugh at these things! Hi londoner, that link is really interesting, and I do agree with you, CBT is definitely for life not just for Christmas, and I'm getting to the point where I'm looking forward to it again now... I was getting scared, but you guys on here are absolute lifesavers for me... And I thank you all for that... wannabe

13 December 2011 - 10:17

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Hi wannabe I was only joking, I knew exactly what you meant and it's a great analogy.

13 December 2011 - 10:26

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Hi Tess, no problem! I just wish I could laugh at myself more! A good sense of humour is a great ally in dealing with the things life throws at us... This OCD is a real struggle for me in the mornings, but I know that as the day passes, it will get easier... I have to trust it... wannabe

29 December 2011 - 22:23

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Hey all,

Thankyou all for your comments and my apologies for the late response - you're all good people for taking the time to help a stranger (that stranger being me!)....and I shall check out the 'pure-o' link you sent me Londoner.

All your comments ring true with me....I've gone through the cbt therapy about 5 years ago and it really helped change my life for the better. I'm still on paroxetine (medication)and I've come to a point again where I think I need some more cbt which I have booked on for January through my local IAPT service (Improving Access to Psycholgical Therapies). It's an NHS service which is free. If you have ocd and you haven't had cbt then DO IT NOW. It'll make a big difference to you if you work hard at it - and don't worry, the therapists have heard lots of weird and wonderful stuff from our ocd minds before!

I need to now get more help on some of my day to day ocd but especially on how it affects my relationships, especially the way I sometimes respond to my partner (it puts a strain on our relationship) but I am hopeful and gonna work hard at it.

Take Care all and no doubt we'll speak again soon

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