10 December 2011 - 21:39
I've just signed up onto this forum and great to see there's so much support out there from one ocd 'comrade' to another!
So onto my question/discussion: I have had 'Pure-O' for about 16 years now where most of my checking and neutralising occurs internally (sometimes its externally but normally its in the mind). One problem this causes (amongst many others) is this: I get a 'spike'; engage my thoughts on the spike; get stressed about it; and eventually feel 'better' again. After this,I then tend to spend a lot more time ruminating about the fact I have just 'ruined' that part of my day because I was engaging in an intrusive thought. My thought pattern in this instance goes like this: 'because i just got so agitated about that thought i've ruined my weekend/day'....I then have to 'neutralise' that new thought by convincing myself that I haven't ruined my day/weekend! I had a spike this morning (that I might have offended a work colleague yesterday) while I was chatting to my girlfriend and kind of 'switched off' to what she was saying for about 10 mins (because of the spike). I have since spent the rest of today (on and off) ruminating that the fact I engaged with the spike this morning has ruined my weekend because I have let get in the way of my day to day activity. I am also very fretful because once again, I have not been able to achieve a whole weekend without engaging with my intrusive thoughts. I often get this feeling during any time I have been looking forward to (e.g. a weekend; a holiday; a night out etc). The paradox is that I am ruminating on ruining my weekend so much that it is starting to ruin my weekend! I have had this aspect of my ocd for years.
Please shoot from the hip and tell me if any of you guys have this same type of issue with your ocd?
I feel like ocd has 'spoilt' so many moments in my life which should have been enjoyable..
Any thoughts or advice would be welcome......