20 August 2019 - 13:59
I notice that whenever I'm having an OCD attack/flare-up I restrict my food compulsively. I have the feeling that if I eat food, nourish myself and enjoy food that my OCD fears will turn out to be true. It almost feels like some kind of OCD-eating disorder.
I've recently had a HIV OCD relapse, worrying that I caught HIV from a very low risk encounter 7 years ago, and I've taken 2 tests since then (BioSURE self test, 99.7% accurate) and they were both negative, confirmed by the CEO of the company's daughter and another high-up employee, obviously it doesn't reassure me because you can't beat OCD with reassurance but I just wanted some proof that I was in the clear, and I am, I just struggle to believe it. During this time, I haven't been letting myself eat much at all, and even when I do eat I get a lot of anxiety and the OCD is like "if you eat this, enjoy yourself and forget the thoughts then they'll turn out to be true", and I've been trying to push through, but I was just wondering if anyone else has had anything similar?