13 January 2020 - 8:21
Please help me
Hi folksI can’t believe I’m posting here as a couple of weeks ago i was fine but i have since fallen into a deep hole with no light, i am a 38 year old man who throughout my life i have suffered from severe anxiety/depression periodically and then I’ll be fine for years until the next episode.At the moment I am having severe anxiety around my breathing, basically I can’t stop focusing on it all day and night, everytime i notice my breathing my heart rate goes up and adrenaline is released, i only get relief through drinking alcohol which numbs my fear for a bit but comes back stronger. I am terrified as my life is unraveling very quickly, this all started with a thought what if I cannot get my mind off my breathing one night as i lay in bed and boom a great fear took hold and ever since then I can’t pull my mind away to normal thoughts.
My thought is as i breathe all the time then I’m going to notice it all the time, the feeling that it never stops kills me, i need to accept that it’s just there and it is harmless but it’s robbed me of my appetite and my sleep. I lay there at night focused on the in out in out, everytime i start drifing off boom my mind pulls me back to it and i get the adrenaline spike with anxiety I have a good job and partner and a beautiful daughter who we absolutely adore and i am scared off it all coming apart if I can’t function, I’m scared my job will collapse and very worried for our future, I cannot physically go on like this, no sleep for three days no appetite etc etc, i am scared this is what my life is now and how long i can endure it.I saw a psychiatrist on Thursday but he was digging into my past and it was frustrating as I need immediate help with this breathing obsession, the closest thing i found online was that it is a form of ocd called sensorimotor ocd which is triggered by a huge depression and i have gad also. I should state i had this same issue back in 2009 with the breathing and somehow it lifted off me and could get on with my life but I cannot understand how i beat or how i got to a place of it not worrying me, breathing cuts my thoughts and feelings off at every turn and my sleep. I never taken medication for fear of side effects but think now I really need to.Any advice on what I can do here?Thank you