10 October 2014 - 23:07
I'm new to this site and wondering if anybody out there shares my worries.
I have had OCD for as long as I can remember but was diagnosed when I was about 17.
I obsess, worry and catastrophise just about anything but the worst areas of my OCD are health anxiety, my constant fear of cancer and other horrible illnesses. My compulsion to check myself and examine myself is getting worse, and the trips to the Dr for re-assurance are getting silly.
Secondly, I have always had an overwhelming fear of contamination, which is crippling at times. My thoughts are so irrational. Some of the ways I convince myself I have been contaminated are ridiculous. I mostly worry about HIV and Hepatitis C.
Both of these areas of my OCD have peaked in the last 4 months since having my baby. As have my anxiety levels in general.
a recent example of how bad my fears are, I popped in to a local charity shop last week to get some trousers as I'm not quite back in my pre-pregnancy clothes yet but didn't want to fork out for new clothes as I won't be in them long. I've never bought anything in a charity shop but not opposed to it so thought I'd have a look.
I bought a couple of pairs of jeans and tried them on. They fit fine. Strangely, despite my fear of contamination, I dint wash them before I wore them. For some reason, I thought that the charity shops washed them before they sold them.
Anyway, I was wearing one of the pairs yesterday, and I put my hand in the back pocket and I found some cinema tickets. I instantly freaked out that they hadn't been washed, and went straight to google to see what my chances were of catching something from the jeans, and got completely hooked on the idea of HIV and Hep C. I had to go home, take them off and have a shower. I didn't sleep at all last night, kept breaking out into a sweat and my heart was racing. I spent all night googling possibility of transmission etc. then convinced myself that I had hep C from a cheating ex boyfriend after reading how it was contracted. So, this morning, I was in such a bad way, I found a Private clinic that tests or HIV and Hep C where you get the results almost straight away. I booked in for today and went to have it one. It cost me £280 for them to tell me that it was all negative and that I need to get my OCD sorted ASAP as it was out of control.
I really want to tackle this ASAP as it I ruining my life an spoiling this precious time with my baby. I don't want to look back and think that I wasted the enjoyment of his first years due to my OCD.
I am in the early stages of therapy/CBT but considering meds now too as I can't continue like this. I feel on edge all the time.
Does anybody have any advice or success stories to make me feel better?