My 'what if' came true today :(

2 August 2014 - 3:55

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My main OCD issue for approx. the last 5 years has been obsessions about bugs, germs, bacteria, microorganisms etc. So my compulsions are constantly checking myself and making my surroundings 'safe'. I have a long list of compulsions even though 9/10 I never see any bugs. It's not abnormal for me to end up stuck in the bathroom looking at my skin and hair for hours. That was the case today except...my worst fear came true I saw this tiny tiny bug crawling on my glasses, when I looked at it with a magnifying glass it looks like some type of tiny mite. So I looked through my hair and saw more (barely viable) than one crawling up strands of my hair. I've researched bugs etc so much that I could remember reading that dermidex mites are found on all humans but can infest people who have low immune systems. I'm always unwell, in fact I've been in bed for the last two weeks...so I guess it makes sense. The pictures online look like what my husband and I see through the magnifying glass. I'm handling this better than I thought I would but I'm afraid I'm just in shock and I don't want to lose myself in a panic. I researched so much today on how to kill mites so I'm going shopping tomorrow. I also have samples for my doctor. I don't know what to do or think right now except, "Of all people, why is this happening to me!?"

2 August 2014 - 19:22

Elf
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Hi,

sorry to hear about the mites.i think maybe further research may not be a good idea as it may be misleading and cause you to worry more.

it is most unlucky that they have appeared however is it possible that it may have just been a random bug and that someone without ocd would not have given it as much thought?

i hope you manage to stay calm and get some rest over the weekend.
Elf

3 August 2014 - 15:20

dav
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They wont cause u any harm at all there just mites .
Dave

3 August 2014 - 15:56

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Hi Isabella

All your compulsive checking for contamination did not stop the incidence. You will be able to deal with the incidence it is relatively minor. This is a lesson for us all. We spend our time and mental and physical energy in our compulsive rituals but we cannot stop random and idiosyncratic events from occurring and when these events do happen we can handle them. I bet your environment was incredibly hostile to mites but nonetheless they occurred.  

4 August 2014 - 0:12

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Thanks everyone! I am still reacting better than I thought I would, no panic attacks! I always told myself, "If you keep checking you will probably find something someday, and then what are you going to do?" And that's exactly what happened, I wish I could use more self control but as all of you know sometimes it seems impossible. I found another one today and I'm worried because when I use a magnifying glass it looks like what scabies pictures look like...and you can see adult scabies. I know this is hopefully and probably not the case...but it just scares me because a good friend of mine had scabies a long time ago and she recently roomed at my place for a few months. Anyways, I heard tea tree oil is good for getting rid of most mites so my husband and I are using tea tree oil products for showers and lotion etc. I started cleaning our apartment with borax. Also, I adopted guinea pigs that weren't previously treated well at all. They have what seems to be mites so I ordered them ivermectin a month ago. They already have had their second treatment and will have a third in a few weeks. From my research pet mites look like human scabie mites. I don't know I'm so confused but I have a doctors appointment next week. I am embarrassed about bringing in my samples, especially since my doctor knows that I'm OCD. I'm just so frustrated because it seems like no matter how much I clean and practice good hygiene I still have more issues than normal people. I know many people aren't looking for it like I am but it's still there and I now have to deal with yet another ridiculous issue. Anyways, thanks to all for reading! I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing this anywhere else, you all are very special! Thank you!

4 August 2014 - 17:31

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So as of last night I had a pretty bad panic attack. I hate how when that happens to me I feel like there's nothing to live for but I'm really thankful for my online support because I was able to pull myself out of it and eventually go to bed. I had a really bad emotional hangover migraine that went away thankfully a few hours ago. Trying to stay positive and distract myself!

30 September 2014 - 7:01

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I have an issue with bugs as well, but only ones that are hard to get rid of and socially unacceptable: ie. fleas, bedbugs, lice. I have an indoor/outdoor cat who never had fleas for a decade, so when I saw a little bug crawling on his pillow and saw him itch once, I was completely freaked out and instantly made an appointment with the vet, who found the telltale blood-poop of fleas in his fur, although not any live fleas. He got flea medicine, and I've never let him go without flea medicine since, but when I got back from the vet I spent about 5 hours cleaning the house from top to bottom, washing everything, vacuuming like mad, afraid I'd have an infestation. I was like, why does this have to happen to ME of all people? If someone else saw a flea on their cat, they'd just get flea medicine and keep a look-out for any fleas in the house in future, and that would be it (I imagine). Because it's me, I imagine a scenario in which my house becomes entirely flea-ridden, I have to use expensive and toxic fumigation professionals to get rid of them, have to throw out clothes that I couldn't wash, become a social pariah, fear they're jumping out of my hair and clothes when I'm in public, etc. Not fair.

For the last few years I've been terrified of getting bed bugs. I take the bus, so I'm constantly afraid someone on the bus will have them and they'll get onto me. I won't sit next to people who I think look like possible bed-bug carriers.

I'm afraid to go to hotels because of bed bugs. When I really have to stay in one, I research it THOROUGHLY beforehand to make sure no one's reported bedbugs, and only pick hotels with hardwood floors because they're easier to clean. Then when I get there I make sure none of my stuff touches the floor, instantly head for the bathroom (which I read is the place where bed bugs are least likely to be), put my luggage down in there after inspecting for bugs, then go into the main room and check sheets, mattress, headboard, pillows, floor, walls, curtains, etc. Then I put my luggage on the desk, because I read bed bugs are more likely to get in your luggage if you leave it on the floor or put it on the bed. All my stuff in my bag would be in ziplock plastic bags, and I'd wrap the whole thing in a giant garbage bag to keep out bed bugs on the desk. Then I'd be able to go out and about whatever city I'm in, only once I returned to the hotel, I'd have to check the whole thing over again because bed bugs could have crawled in from another room or hidden very well. Then, I generally stay up till the wee hours biting my nails in terror of bed bugs, hyper-alert for any sensation of tickling or biting, constantly checking any tiny dot of fluff or whatever on the sheets. It's exhausting.

I'm also worried about bed bugs getting in my luggage while I'm on the train/plane, but I don't want to look nuts so I don't do anything much except zip it shut tightly and (if I'm on a train) place it as far away from other people's stuff as possible, and try not to ever let it touch carpets or sit in one place on the (non-carpeted) ground for long. When I get the luggage home, I leave it right near the door and inspect the outside for bed bugs, then open it and inspect the inside, then quickly dunk everything washable in the washing machine, being careful not to drop imaginary bed bug eggs on the floor along the way. Stuff that can't be washed I quickly stick in the freezer and leave it there for several days. It's a whole production.

I think if I ever do get bed bugs, I'll probably have to kill myself.

2 October 2014 - 23:09

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If you get bed bugs, deal with them... it's preferable to killing yourself.  (I don't think you will.)  Sorry to hear the OCD's such a pest to you though!  Are you having CBT?

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